Twin Flames and Past Lives

Twin Flames. Just what are they? So many theories going around.. but no one seems to know for sure. In midst of my own journey I have come to a few conclusions. First: It is not a normal connection. I see so many couples calling each other twins because they have found someone special. Sorry guys but that’s a soulmate connection. How can I tell the difference? Simple. If it doesn’t drag you to hell and back and in the process make you aware to a greater reality then you’re probably just fooling yourself. A twin flame connection is NOT a romantic connection. Despite what everyone says. It is a connection with one purpose: To make you realize who you really are. It is a connection of unconditional divine love, one which opens your eyes to the truth: That you ARE love. You are love itself.

How does a connection like this work? Honestly I have no idea. I don’t think it’s really too important, but some say that twins share the same Higher Self or the same Oversoul which I think is more likely. Apparently reuniting with this other part of you creates a recognition of similar energy and is what causes the recognition of Self and that huge blast of awareness, because you are basically meeting yourself. There are also theories that a twin is just someone you have incarnated with since the beginning of being split and so your energies have become almost identical over the ages.. which also potentially works. Then there’s the fact that it could just be a simple one time soul contract to help both raise themselves to greater awareness. Which is probably less likely.

It seems to me that meeting a twin is something that’s more likely to happen at the end of a persons young soul phase or at the beginning of a persons mature soul phase. I have noticed the difference myself between the way mature souls and old souls deal with this connection. Mature souls will do anything for the connection, saying ‘true love fights’, with a focus on relationship and family, whilst old souls seem more ready to let things go and just be, due to already having realized many lives before that love ‘just is’, and there is nothing you can do or not do that will change that. Mature souls are more likely so get caught up in the romance and drama of it all, whilst old souls are more likely to see it for how it is and go with the flow.

In relation to past lives, there is an interesting phenomena that I have observed. Maybe it is has something to do with revisiting any past karma that remains and releasing that, but souls will seem to phase through all of their previous lives in one way or another before settling. At least I have seen this in mature and older souls. The length each phase lasts seems to depend on how much karma is remaining. This can also be seen in twin flame connections. Meeting a twin is like suddenly being reset to a new soul. You then go through the phases again to release any more karma that remains. So it’s like a double shot of karmic cleansing. The length these phases last also seem dependent upon how much karma remains from past lives and also how much progress one has made with their twin in past lives.

After as many of these karmic phases with each other have been cleared out as possible, usually one of from the twin flame connection will disappear. This is because if both were to stay together no more progress for either would be able to be made. It’s a time for integration and realization, a time to come to terms with the reality of being. This phase can go on indefinitely until both are awake to their true nature and purpose.. at least that’s what I’ve observed. The only twins that seem to be permanently back together are the ones who are both realized. 

Otherwise there may be a lot of separation and reunion, but nothing really solid. It’s no wonder that twins are often said to be in their last incarnation when they find each other. Although this obviously isn’t true, it does seem to be true that their last incarnation is the one where both become awakened to their true nature, hence allowing the two to become one, not with each other, but with all that is, together. Along with that naturally comes awareness of their joint purpose on earth before moving onto the next dimension.

One thing I have noticed in relation to past lives phases and twin flames is that of how the chakras seem to correspond to particular soul ages. For example, a new soul will mostly be mostly operating from the root chakra, whilst a mature soul will mostly be operating from the heart, having activated the sacral and solar plexus through the infant and young soul ages. Because of this, it does not appear uncommon that a twin flame connection will awaken Kundalini once the heart is open. 

I do not know why the Kundalini needs an open heart to be activated as I am not that aware to energetic dynamics and pathways within the body, but as the heart is the gateway between the lower self and the higher self it makes sense that once the heart is open the Kundalini can then activate and rise to ajna, causing self-realization and residing there until it has pierced the crown and the soul becomes one with God. Because of the necessity of an open heart chakra for this to occur it seems like this awakening will be more common within older twin souls, rather than mature twin souls who are still working on opening up their heart.
One thing that I want to mention before I close, is something about labels. It exasperates me when people try to make the stages happen themselves because it’s written all over the internet in a set of instructions and it’s meant to happen that way. I tried that- and it didn’t work. Love cannot be controlled, only surrendered to. What will happen will happen anyway no matter what is tried or not. Labels extend from love, not the other way round. Part of the twin flame connection is realizing this.. that you create your own reality, and nothing else creates it for you. Everything that has ever happened is of your own making.. but in a way to which most are unaware of. There is no such thing as destiny or fate.. only free will and the becoming in sync with that.

This post has run away from me a little with concepts that most will not understand until they live them.. and that is really what the twin flame connection is all about. Learning to live life, truly, alive with full awareness.

If it doesn’t awaken you, then it’s not a twin flame connection.


Cosmic Identity: Celestial Starseed and Indigo Warrior

Although I am not particularly partial to the New Age scene, there’s an awful lot of information swirling its depths which over time I have found myself attracted to just for the simple reason that some of it makes a lot of sense, at least on the surface. I naturally have a lot of reservations about New Age folk, not the least because half the stuff they believe is slightly crazy, but who am I to judge.

Although I’m not inclined to believe that the Hebrews were aliens from another planet that came to help the Atlanteans (the original human race??) defeat the Martians or whatever, the more that time has gone on, the more I have felt like I am not actually from this planet. I have a sense that I am just visiting, but not as a tourist. I’m here on business. I believe I have had a few incarnations on this planet before, although I don’t know for sure, but there’s just a sense that I’m not just an old soul, that I’m actually a transcendent soul. Or to put more simply.. that I’m from the celestial (angelic) realms.

Now bear with me. This probably sounds completely ridiculous, especially compared to my other posts about me being a sociopath, ect. But I should mention that those posts were a reflection of my struggle to identify myself. I convinced myself of these things more than anything. They were completely ego based. The claim that I am celestial, however, is not a shoe I am trying to fit, but rather, a gut feeling that comes from my intuition and just seems to make sense, somehow. I can’t explain it. Perhaps ego is clouding the way I interpret these feelings, as this does tend to happen sometimes, but usually there is some to truth to these feelings either way. And if I am celestial, it still doesn’t rule out the whole sociopath thing either. Demons are celestial too, except they’re just experiencing the opposite side of the coin for that period in time. I don’t believe in duality. I am as dark as I am Light. It’s the way the universe is, and the universe is in me.

Back to the topic at hand though, there are a few reasons why I believe I am celestial apart from just my ‘feelings’ alone. The first time I started questioning it was after a dream where my spirit guide told me I was an angel and that I have three pairs of wings and that I come from a certain part of heaven. I woke up slightly confused, because the message that she was giving me felt so real. Now I know that the word angel actually means messenger, and it’s true that I am in this world as a messenger, so it could just be that. But that still didn’t feel like it was completely right. 

There’s one main thing about this whole thing that makes me more inclined to think I’m from the celestial realm: I have experienced the sixth dimension on earth and I have sort of ‘memories’ of being at least in the seventh dimension, where everything, including myself, was all Light. Considering we live in the third dimension and most people have either third or fourth dimensional awareness, yet I currently have fifth dimensional awareness and am slowly making my way back up to seventh dimensional awareness again without breaking so much as a sweat.. the fact that all this feels so natural to me, makes me inclined to believe I’ve already done it many times before and that the higher realms are where I have come from.

Considering this, I have started calling myself a Starseed, as Starseeds aren’t originally from earth. Starseeds also tend to become awakened suddenly as a form of activation that happens when the time is right. This is exactly what happened to me. The thing with most Starseeds though is that they come from planets still in this same three dimensional universe. The only difference is that they have higher awareness than earth souls. I, however, believe I come from a different dimension altogether. 

It’s possible that maybe I lived in the higher fourth dimensional realms with seventh dimensional consciousness: Indeed I believe that my natural awareness spans somewhere between the sixth through ninth dimensions. The higher fourth dimension is also what most souls consider heaven, and where a lot of the archangels apparently live in order to watch over humanity, so it’s not out of the question. Perhaps I am a soul who has finished my incarnation cycle on earth and moved onto the astral realm and now I am visiting to give lessons before I move onto the fifth dimension? I don’t know. All I know is that I’m not from the third dimension, and that my awareness is naturally probably seventh or eight dimensional. 

It should be mentioned that when I say I am ‘angelic’, I don’t believe I am actually an angel in and of myself. A human body wouldn’t be able to contain full angelic awareness, as angels are actually what are sometimes referred to as group souls with seventh dimensional awareness or higher. I actually think that it’s more correct to say that I am what is commonly referred to as a ‘shard’ of an angel. I perhaps am a soul split from an angelic being sent to teach before moving onto the next dimension, as I wrote above. This is apparently common. This would also go hand in hand with me being a transcendent soul, as transcendent entities are often those souls which have completed their incarnation cycle and have regrouped together to become angelic. 

Furthermore, I don’t believe that I am the only shard here on earth. Many of my soulmates are also Starseeds and Indigos (see next paragraph) from the same angelic group soul as me, although the ones I’ve met as of yet haven’t realised it. It does seem though that they have a ghost of awareness of it. I don’t know what their personal missions are, and only they will know with time, or another incarnation perhaps, but I do know that we’re all collectively working together for the purpose of our group mission, whatever that may be, and that soon we will probably regroup into our angelic form again and transcend to the next dimension once that mission has been completed.

On top of all this, I have also taken to the name ‘Indigo child’, but funnily enough for different reasons than I have taken to the name celestial Starseed. In fact I didn’t even believe that Indigo children actually existed, but after being told and prophesied over and over again by different strangers that I am in fact an Indigo, it made me stop and think long and hard about what an Indigo child actually is. It actually turns out that I am an Indigo. And I’m a third generational Indigo at that. This is the incarnation in which I carry out my mission after having become accustomed slightly to human culture. And many things point to me being an Indigo. I have the tough and typically angry warrior spirit with a sense of strong will and purpose. I am highly intelligent and have also been prophesied over that I have the gift of true sight, as most Indigo’s do. I am right brained dominant, and don’t understand the systems of the world, preferring to avoid society and stay on the sidelines rather than get involved. 

I was also explicitly prophesied over that my name ‘Hayley’ is so named because the name means ‘Hero’, and that in order to be a hero I have to fight. She said I am a warrior and that I would one day challenge the systems of the world and get up and speak my truth. I have had multiple prophecies like this from when I was younger, that one day I would become a great spiritual leader that would change things. Of course I never believed in them until I became awakened. But what I failed to mention in my awakening post was that in fact my Higher Self did indeed tell me that I am here to guide people on the path towards the Light. 

So I am a Lightworker also, as typically both conscious and unconscious Indigo’s and Starseeds are. The three terms along with the Crystal and Rainbow ‘super psychic’ kids are generally synonymous for souls not originally from earth who are here with their respective missions to expand Light in the world, whether they know it or not. And now that I am conscious I am growing day by day in my truth knowing that one day the day will come when I will stand up for what I believe and spread Light to the masses. I feel it in my bones, a soul deep craving that won’t leave. I am here to fight for truth.

Just as a closing note I want to say how I don’t really believe in this whole ‘ascension’ thing the New Age people are always going on about. Apparently Lightworkers are here to help the planetary shift or whatever. Honestly, that sounds stupid to me, although I’m not one to rule anything out. I’m a Lightworker because I am here to spread Light in the world, but I see it more of a ‘regulating’ job than anything else. I’m here to regulate the spiritual progress of the Earth. Keep it on track, ect. Not to awaken everyone. 

It’s my belief that most people on Earth would not be able to handle awakening. It’s too physically and mentally draining and has been known to kill people who aren’t ready (with Kundalini especially). It’s true that most souls on Earth are young souls. I feel that much at least. My mother is a young/mature soul. I’m also here to personally guide her spiritual progress, at least for the time being. We may also be task companions in this life.. I’m unsure on this yet. But anyway, I doubt Earth will be spiritually aware for at least another few thousand years. Although perhaps doomsday might happen. God knows we’ll probably accidentally blow ourselves up. Anyway, now I’m rambling and I have no idea how to finish this post..

Maybe I should mention how when I brought this up on the spiritual forums most there thought I was crazy? Lol. Some things never do change apparently. I know the truth though. And the truth is, I don’t actually know the truth 😉 Namaste.

Out of Darkness and into the Light: Childhood Abuse, Twin Flames, and Spiritual and Kundalini Awakenings.

I have had the craziest past year. Well, I’ve had the craziest life to be perfectly honest, but I felt compelled to share the experiences I’ve had in the past year. The last few months especially. Not many people will probably understand what I’m about to write, and this includes closest friends and family (if family ever come across this). But I felt like I needed to raise a bit of awareness, not only for them as to how much I’ve changed as a person, but also to give anyone who read this hope that life is not as bleak as it all seems. Miracles can happen, if you want it bad enough. Seek and ye shall find.

I shall start at the beginning. This time last year I was living in the midst of emotional, psychological, mental, spiritual, and even physical abuse. I had been living in it for the last sixteen years, since the day my mother married my step-dad. Ever since that fateful day, the person who I was gradually deteriorated until I felt like there was almost nothing left. I grew up depressed, neurotic, suicidal. I had no idea who I was, all I knew is that this man in my life that I was expected to call ‘daddy’ all of a sudden was someone I did not want to be around at all. I didn’t perfectly understand why until last year, when his abusive nature came to light, finally, after a long and hard subconscious search for the truth.

We managed to get him to move out, but then suddenly I found my world turned upside down. I was lost. After the initial feel good exhilaration that came with the freedom I had always sought for, I spiralled head first back into the darkness. Death became my best friend. Thoughts of suicide gradually turned into thoughts of murder. Over the period of a few months, I had started to become the person I hated the most. I had no other sense of identity. I vehemently rejected my perceived weaknesses and replaced them for what I believed would make me ‘better’. I rejected love, light, happiness, health, and eventually even fun, for hate, darkness, and evil. ‘Fun’ eventually became an obsessiveness with being in control. In control of myself, other people, and life in general. During that state I believe I was perfectly capable of murder. I became my worse enemy, because it was the thing I related to ‘being strong’. If you don’t want to be put down again then be the one to put others down first. It was simple.

By the time my 20th birthday came about, what was left of ‘me’, the genuine, real me, was completely dead and gone. I had chipped away at myself in the name of self protection, until there was nothing left but a shell clinging on desperately for meaning. Leading up to this time and also for a few months before my step-dad moved out, I was somewhat romantically involved with someone online, a soulmate, who towards the end opened the doors towards a glimpse of my real self, of true divine love. I didn’t know what was happening at the time though, and things spiralled down from there as I engaged in a battle with myself through said soulmate. We cut contact and I swore never to love again from that moment on. I only got worse from there, until my birthday came and went, and I met someone new online.

Suddenly everything I new to be true was turned upside down once again. My fortresses of hate were barraged through with that same divine love I had experienced that one time before. And I was powerless to stop it. Wave after wave after wave of divine love, channelled through this one person. It was incredible, and definitely not human. During this time I accidentally came across the term ‘twin flames’, and since then I have adopted that term for it, as there was nothing else that could really describe it, despite my slight disagreements with the theory itself. Twin flames are basically considered two halves of one soul, and when they reunite they act as a catalyst towards spiritual growth. As lovely as this all sounds, it really, really wasn’t. It was absolutely terrifying. I found out I could actually love! Who knew that?! I had a taste of God.

Even more terrifying, however, was when the high faded. Human ego consciousness returned. Problems arose. And I was dragged head first back into the deepest pits of my own personal hell at the speed of light, also completely against my own will. Initially my consciousness had been temporarily expanded, but it basically only served to give me strength to face and release all the years of trauma that were trapped within me. And I held on through the skin of my teeth. I have to say at this point it was actually a whole lot worse than the actual abuse I went through previously. I was tested to my utmost limits. It wasn’t pretty. It affected every part of me, even my physical body. Eventually, after hitting absolute rock bottom, after meeting my demons head on for the first time ever, after staring into my deepest, darkest fears, after an entire week of crying and throwing up due to emotions alone(!) I decided that I didn’t want to be the person I used to be ever again. I wanted to love myself. I was tired of living a lie, a lie I didn’t even know I’d been living. You could almost consider this a New Years resolution that I came up with during the Christmas period. Lovely time for having such a traumatic experience.

I decided to take some time out at the beginning of the new year, and I tried my hand at meditating. I felt drawn to the spiritual again, after a year of trying to block it out of awareness completely. Within a week of starting I had two awakening experiences and had to stop for fear of psychosis. The first experience was my full spiritual awakening. It came completely at random. I hadn’t planned for it and I knew nothing about such experiences at the time. I just wanted to practice a bit of mindfulness. I put on some random meditation music I found on YouTube and then I accidentally met God, I kid not. This is something that I can’t really explain properly. All I can say, is that for roughly about half an hour, I not only felt love, but I became identified with love. I WAS love. And love was everything. And everything was God. And it was as if I was looking down on myself, as myself, but as God, and I saw my step-dad in me, and all his darkness, and all my darkness, and then I just loved it, and I loved him, and I loved myself, and I felt myself loved, by myself. And I forgave him, and I forgave myself, and that day I let go of everything. I became a different person.

It changed me so profoundly, that ‘I’ am not me any more. I am nothing. And yet I am everything. All the time I was searching for identity, I was merely closing myself off more. The only way to truly find identity is to let go. Identify with nothing. Just be. Let energy flow through me rather than close it off. Let myself feel.. For the first time I found I wanted to feel. For the first time I felt truly alive. For the first time I loved myself naturally, without effort. Hate for myself and hate for others all but completely disappeared. And for the first time ever I felt like I was more on the side of light than on the side of dark. Except for the fact that light and dark are completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. What I felt was transparent. What I felt was complete, within myself. And I found that I could be content even through pain, because the source of suffering had been transmuted into Light, and continues to be so.

Over the coming weeks I noticed that my alcohol addiction had completely disappeared. There was no explanation for it. When I did drink, a hazy, numb, heaviness settled over me. The clarity I seemed to have permanently gained disappeared and it made me feel a sort of groggy, grossness. There was suddenly no longer anything pleasant about drinking. I noticed more and more that I would feel like this when eating certain unhealthy foods, and when I dropped back into depressive episodes, and even when listening to certain rock and heavy metal music that I used to love. I honestly don’t know how I lived like that for so long. It was so incredibly unhealthy, and yet I could never feel it. I just drank myself further and further away into oblivion. Killed myself over and over again. Willingly let myself be chained to a drill that had no other purpose but to dig oneself further and further underground.

The second experience I had whilst meditating that week was a full kundalini awakening. I also didn’t know anything about it until after it happened. This is the one that has made me cautious of meditating again for fear of psychosis. In comparison to others my awakening was fairly simple, probably because I had already released so many energetic blockages previously. But simple didn’t make it any less terrifying. After ten minutes of feeling like I was floating, I felt an energy at the base of my spine. Or to put it more simply – I felt turned on, and for some reason I felt prompted to concentrate on that feeling, until it exploded and shot up my spine all the way up to my head, leaving me nothing but a writhing mess for roughly about a minute. 

I don’t know what being electrocuted feels like, but I could definitely compare it to that. It was absolutely terrifying. And yet simultaneously it felt absolutely amazing. Meditating again a few times after that brought up wave after wave of more controllable energy, but I still couldn’t control it enough. Eventually waves of energy started shooting through me whilst I wasn’t even meditating, and I had to stop completely after reading the warnings online. It’s another process of refining the emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies, and if done too much at one time can cause a breakdown, and even death. So now I only meditate far and few between.

By this point the online relationship I was having that instigated all these changes in me had changed so much due to my complete shift in awareness that I felt like being together would no longer serve either of us beneficially any more. It was time to move on. Not only that, but the intensity of it all still hadn’t let up, and I felt like the whole thing overall was so traumatic that I just needed to get away and have time to stabilise. I know now that my spiritual progress will be a lot slower than it was before, but at this point in time that’s the best thing for me. I need to go it alone, and work through my remaining issues, before becoming self-actualized and doing what I was put here on this earth to do. Besides growing through love that is 🙂 

I don’t know whether I will ever talk to supposed twin flame again. I don’t plan to. But they do say that they do eventually reunite, whether in this life or the next [since I wrote this post we have reunited and become friends]. All I know is that for someone to cause a change as great in me as this, they truly have to be important at a soul level, and if we ever do reunite, then it will be when the time’s right. And to anyone who saw this entire drama unfold from the outside, as abusive as it always seemed, abusive it never was. It was just me meeting my real, true self, and learning to love and accept it. And it has truly and completely changed me for the better.

And now, I shall live the rest of my life being the best me there ever was and ever will be. I shall love and laugh and cry and rage, and ultimately, be alive! Life has never felt so bright.

I’m no longer that depressed homicidal person in love with darkness, pain, and death. I’m transformed. Somehow. It’s truly a miracle. If there is a God out there then he is looking after me, I can say that for the first time in my life with conviction.