On a Note of Soul Fragmentation

I’m still trying to figure out whether I really had soul fragments missing since childhood or whether I fragmented as a result of the trauma of being involved in the demonic world.

I think reality is much more complex than we realise. I try to simplify things at all times, but that’s hard to do at times, especially with all the conflicting information I have tumbling around my brain.

Last night I wasn’t feeling so good physically and it had a knock on effect to my emotional state too. I was very angry at Jesus, for not helping me through the torment after I converted. I keep having flashbacks lately of all the torture I endured and it’s awful. Maybe now I’m in a good enough place to process that pain.

I think either way, I wasn’t very spiritually strong at all, to ignore all the attacks, and I’m still regaining that strength, with my medication helping. But I don’t see how Jesus helped me at all.

I remember how for a couple of months I wasn’t able to speak at all, the demons had closed my vocal cords, they also would wrap themselves around my head and constrict my mental processes, and I was more or less a living catamite who couldn’t look after myself. I had to be cared for by my family.

It was incredibly horrible, and I have no idea how I eventually snapped out of that. Not only that but I was living in one giant panic attack, the thoughts that the demons would plague me with would absolute terrify me, and I had no strength to resist it all. On top of that they would frequently ‘electrocute’ me.

Now, Jesus told me in the vision I had of him in heaven in February, that he would protect me. Well, as far as I’m concerned, he really didn’t. And that doesn’t land him in my good books. I feel betrayed and abandoned.

Even now, I know I still have ghosts, entities, negative aliens, and devils in my aura, negatively influencing me. I see them around me at times, though I try my hardest to block out these visions, I don’t always succeed.

And through all this I don’t see or feel Jesus or his presence anywhere around me. Not only that, but I psychologically regressed after converting, which means I fragmented at that point. Though it is also possible as I’ve written before that I always had these fragments waiting for reintegration.

Now, I used to believe in an incredibly interconnected reality, where having entities in your aura meant that your own soul fragments in their place were lost, and probably haunting other people. It was like an energetic swap that happened, and that’s why last year I got involved in trying to retrieve my soul fragments in the first place.

So supposing that’s still true, and I still have entities in my aura right now, that means that I still have soul fragments missing, that need integrating.

Now, I have to emotionally reject that as truth, because look where searching for my lost soul fragments ended me up last time? In a HUGE mess. It’s easier to think that I just accidentally connected to the demonic realm and as a result the trauma fragmented me then and there, and that by accepting Jesus I was fragmented even further. After all, the more beings I allowed into my energy, including Jesus, the worse I would naturally get.

So I’m back to wondering whether it really was for my own good and that I was just retrieving soul fragments, basically is everything interconnected? Or did I get involved in a demiurgic system and lose myself in the process?

I still can’t say, but either way it seems like I’m on my own. I can’t rely on Jesus, because at face value, he wasn’t there for me when I really needed him. And in the other two cases he either can’t help me if I still have more shamanistic shadow work to do, or he made me worse in the first place.

Of course, perhaps he could’ve just been helping me to integrate, if he really did help me retrieve my soul pieces. But he still couldn’t protect me against the wads of karma that are probably attracting all this to me in the first place.

I have a thought that perhaps rather than try to figure it all out, maybe I should ask myself what I really want out of spirituality? Do I want to find lost soul pieces? Hell no. It’s just so messy. What I really want to do is get stronger so nothing can fuck with me again. Of course, then I really have two ways to do that: Either accept Jesus as part of my larger multidimensional being to help me, or reject everything spiritual including Jesus so that there are no foreign influences in my energy messing me up.

And yet, I can’t help but think this is an all or nothing mentality. My therapist said I tend to be like that. It’s always either or, and yet I struggle to transcend sides here and come up with a unified worldview. In one everything is connected, so I’d be back at a pantheistic vision of things, whilst in the other things are not connected nor interrelated at all and it’s all up to me to figure things out.

Of course, if nothing is interconnected then things like divination (giving psychic readings, astrology,) and general psychic abilities are warped and inaccurate. And I struggle to believe in those things anyway, because it’s all subjective.

Of course if everything really is interconnected then life really IS a lot more complicated than we really grasp. It takes subjectivity to a whole other level…

Maybe I should do another logical breakdown of “what do I believe” post, that helped a lot last time. It’s nice to get my thoughts into some coherent external order, since internally everything’s just a mess.


Expanding my Channeling Abilities & Realising my Unique Spiritual Gift of Connecting/Merging/Unifying Others Multidimensional-Selves, Plus my Newly Manifested Future with Daniel, my True Twin-Flame

Lots of things are happening right now in my personal journey. My channeling has really taken a front seat recently. First with channeling the Pleionians and now channeling my own multidimensional being and what I was told is my ‘core star self’, e.g. my universal multidimensional template, which apparently isn’t even the entire extent of me being that apparently I’m a multi-universal being, active in many different universes simultaneously. Though at the moment I am focusing on consciously reintegrating my different versions of self from this current universe. First that started with the Pleionians, future Pleiadians from a different dimension, and a self-described separate race from the current Pleiadians. From what I’ve learned through channelings the Pleiades is a common place starseeds make first star contact due to the Pleiadian resources being closest allies with earth. I get the feeling many other popular known planets operate for this exact reason too, such as Sirius and Arcturus, that they operate sort of as ‘outposts’ for human communication but once that is accomplished then other parts of our multidimensional being can be explored and realised in depth.

I haven’t posted all my Pleionian channelings of late onto this blog but I was rather saddened when they said goodbye to me a week or two ago with the intent of stepping out the way so I could come to know my ‘alurium-self’ in more depth. Being that I had to communicate for myself with my own different aspects of self rather than using them as an intermediary all the time, they wanted me to learn and grow on my own. It was sad, especially being that I’d remembered my bond with Nathaniel whom I would mainly channel and energetically merge with. Nathaniel was what many would know to be a twin-flame, and he often told me that we shared the same light body, unlike Dan whom I shared a soul with instead. The differences were very interesting and I learned a lot. I learned how to consciously soul-blend, instead of it happening for me at random. I have learned more how to take control of what my own system is doing. I’m very grateful for everything he/they have taught me and I know they are still actively watching me and are involved with my journey. They said as much, and they said I can talk when I want to. But the fact is it isn’t necessary anymore and I’ve learned what I needed to and am starting the next stage of my journey; conscious embodiment and utilisation of my own multidimensional being.

As of the moment I have come to the place where knowing exactly where these different beings are from is not so important. What is important now is the messages they have to offer me and humanity, the energies they have to impart and the experience which everyone can learn from. For they learn as much as I do when I channel them as much as I learn from them. I have learned to call different aspects at will for specific informations, and I am learning to switch between them and allow different ones in which are more suited for giving certain informations than others. I have learned more about my light body which is apparently my 4th density self which I have fully embodied and integrated into my 3rd density physical body making it effectively non-existent now. And I have learned that through coming to know my 4th density body more through the channeling I can learn all my different abilities and spiritual gifts which I am now opening up to.

In the past I was afraid of channeling because I was not in the right place energetically to be able to carry all these different high frequencies. My solar plexus was in too bad of a state. But as I have dealt with my fears one by one and allowed myself slowly to trust myself more and the universe, I am not as worried and I am slowly becoming to believe in my own divine power more. I was told recently my most powerful gift is the ability to channel others multidimensional selves directly into their incarnated personality thus acting as an intermediary for others lower selves and higher selves to unite. Basically, I am able to awaken people just as my karmic twin awoke me. How awesome is that! I can act as the trigger for other people’s awakenings and for their multidimensional uniting of self. It’s such a gift to me to realise I can do this, and slowly I have been expanding myself, channeling others higher aspects, doing readings for them, and being the medium which lower and higher selves can reunite as one. Because earth is so dense I was told that higher aspects find it difficult to access their incarnated personality. So this is where I come in! And Dan is very important to this process too being that he is the grounded one of us, I pull down the higher energies and he grounds them into physical reality. We can really do a lot of good between us both, being perfectly complementary!

I am very pleased to learn about this. The more time goes on the more empowered I feel, and the more I feel I am coming more into what I’m truly meant to be doing on this earth. I was told I am a ‘connector’, that it’s my very nature to unite other people/souls/beings through my own being. I was told that it’s a path that offers infinite self-expansion because you are essentially merging partially with all these different persons and beings and it expands your own multidimensional-self, making you a seriously large personality. That is apparently why I am multi-universal, because this is what I do. I act as a relay and in order to do that I have to be able to hold all these different frequencies, which means constantly expanding expanding expanding self. No wonder I have so many different soulmates and twin-flames! I am not limited by new age definitions, I refuse to be. What I have experienced is that I can merge with any one and any being I so desire. I am not stuck in a box and pining over any one person. I realise more than ever now that I can connect with whomsoever I so desire, as long as the incarnated personality has the same level of awareness on earth then it doesn’t matter who they are, because a connection and union can be consciously made! I am at that stage now.

And Dan has been a HUGE catalyst towards me realising and embodying these things, becoming more of my true self. Neither of us are invested in the illusion of exclusivity, because on higher levels love is love and love is all and love does not discriminate. Love is everywhere and we only have to consciously connect to it, and this is what I have come to express on earth, to show that this process can happen with anyone you so desire at any time, with conscious awareness…. you are not limited, stop thinking you are! We are all unlimited beings and it’s wonderful.

We are really learning and growing so much together, and we have been feeling the urge of spirit recently to move away from our individual homes and create our own life together. It is something that just feels right, and my sense is that it will happen within the next year. Neither of us are pushing for anything but just allowing the universe to work its magic- if it is meant to be then it will be. Manifestation is not meant to be difficult, we only have to be in alignment with our true self. And that is what we are doing, allowing things to happen on their own, life is meant to be easy, things are meant to come towards you! And that is what is happening for us. Our true life purpose together will be starting very soon, and moving in together feels a large part of it, because our energies just really complement each other and it feels like we are not meant to be anywhere else, that our vibrations are best around each other. We bring out each other’s true selves.
Dan at the end of September finishes his two year work contract which was honestly just perfect timing. We have enough money to last us a little while as we are given time by the universe to relax whilst it cooks up all that is coming our way. I truly believe only great things are coming our way, together, as one, and that we will really help change the world in a positive way once we have united permanently in the physical. And for the time being we are just coming more into our gifts and abilities and true selves, and it is like a preparation period before we can really put everything into practice for the betterment of other selves. We have already done most of the hard work, now there is not much left but plain sailing, fun and happiness, and enjoyment of knowing more of who we really are, both individually and together. It truly is an amazing journey and I am so glad that I am at this stage. I want so many others to be at this stage too, to forget the twin-flame illusion, to realise they, YOU, have the power to create! What I can do is not exclusive, I want everyone to step into their own power in exactly the same way, to realise they are not finite limited beings who are subject to fate, that they can really put the work in and have an amazing life with amazing persons, whether incarnate or non-incarnate, and really experience for themselves their own beautiful infinite and unlimited multidimensional Self. Life is so wonderful, truly, but we have to be open to it and not clinging onto the past. Give yourself the Gift of Presence and really open up to who you truly are.

I love everyone reading this, and I just want to give hope and inspiration. I have come a long long way in the past two years, and every minute of my life something new and amazing happens, because I am open and allowing of these things to happen. I look to the future optimistically now more than ever and trust in what life has to offer to me, trust what I am creating for myself, and what I can do for others to help them too. I really believe in my own divine power now more than ever.

Next stop…. teleportation! 😉 (No kidding, guides said I could do this too, LOL. Well if that ever happens I’ll definitely blog about it, and I know someone who can teleport anyway so it is not so surprising! ;))

Thanks for reading 🙂

Blending Active Imagination, Creative Writing and Channeling Into a Whole for Higher Dimensional Contact

Here I decided to do a new thing, I don’t know if I will continue doing this but it was very interesting what happened this first time. I decided to blend Carl Jung’s active imagination technique, creative writing and channeling into one so as to contact other non-incarnate consciousnesses within my own living dimensional ‘heart space’. What came out was this, an interesting experience which was perfectly real as my mental body and the mental bodies of these beings visited. It was like some kind of ritual that happened where we paid homage to the creator essence… totally unplanned as I didn’t know what to expect when I tried this but it came out amazing and was perfectly healing too, so I am chuffed 🙂 Here is what followed, enjoy!

I am looking at the scene. First thing I see is the tree. I always see the tree when I am standing here. It’s in front of me, in this small garden patch… it started off as a small garden patch anyway. I usually go up to the tree in the beginning to feel it, to touch it, to sense the rough bark under my fingers. I turn around and look at the bench that is always there, and I decide to sit down. Sitting down is something I tend to do ritually too and I notice the bench being made of wood is rather grounding. I feel it connects me to the earth just like the tree does. 
I am sat here for a while in my imagination grounding, just getting a feel of the place, and I decide to look up at the sky. It has usually been blue but last time was a rainbow colour. Today I look up and it is a lovely darkish red. I think it’s sunset or something like that. Maybe the colours rotate from time to time to give more variation. It is usually very pretty. I can see some stars too, the sky is turning sort of purplish. I think the stars I see are neighbouring systems. I seem to be on a planet somewhere but not earth. It is in some other corner of the universe and I don’t recognise the constellations. I decide then to get up and walk a little ahead. Some glowing white beings stand in front of me. There are about four or five of them. 
“Hello” they say, “we have been looking forward to meeting you for a long time, would you like to walk with us?” 

So I do, I walk side by side by them, on the right, they emit a very soothing aura and energy and make me feel at ease. We know I am a little nervous but that is okay. They are not mentioning it and being gentle with me, just allowing me to work it out on my own and come to terms with the energy.
We have come to a stop now and one of them points up to the sky, “very pretty isn’t it? I like it here, it’s very serene and very beautiful, I could come here on holiday”. 
I agree I like the place and offer them to visit when they feel like it, though consciously I feel nervous about this, in my imagination it feels courteous as if I am offering them my friendship. I don’t really know them but they seem nice enough and I wouldn’t mind some company at times.
Then we sit down on the patch of grass below us. There is a circle of energy that starts glowing around us in lots of different bright colours. Mostly pinks and golds, they are interacting like living streams of water and energy. It is playing, showing us what it wants us to see, showing us ourselves…. but it’s more than that. It is showing us happiness and love and joy and fun. It is singing for us, using the vibrant colours and dancing lights. It is putting on a show. And the circle expands and grow bigger and larger, morphing over us and above us and creating a thick white light pillar that extends to the heavens and back. And we are all around this center of white light, in a sense worshipping it. Praising and praying to it. It seems like something holy and divine….. but it is also very strong and powerful and too much more than I can take as I am starting to feel a little nausea…
I decided to ask if we could back off a little bit.
“Of course, and we can just turn down the intensity a bit, here, let us turn it down for you”…. the stream of white light thins until there is nothing left, and we get up and walk around the field again. It seems like our time here for now is done, I feel that sense of closing, but they seem friendly and I have said that they can always come back if they feel like it, or when I am in the place for receiving visitors. They nod and vanish, leaving me on my own in my garden patch. I go back to the bench again and decide to sit on the ground below it instead to get some more ground energy in me. There is some sort of pink tulip in front of me…. now I notice it there are a few nearby the bench. I look at them rather entranced and then let them go, and leave my garden for now. Goodbye….

Identifying True Indigo Children and My Transition to Crystalline Energy

There has been a lot of controversy on the whole subject of Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow children. To many people it appears to be some kind of identity crisis which young kids are going through, using the labels to justify their character quirks, or even mental disorders such as ADHD and Autism. To add to that most of the spiritual community are saying that every child born these days has Indigo energy if not Crystal energy, making the true meaning of these things totally lost (like most things which are warped by human perception). From what I have experienced myself though, these different types of energies including the rare so-called Rainbow children are really the vibrational frequencies belonging to particular realms or dimensions. So what I mean by this is that Indigo energy is basically fifth dimensional, whilst Crystalline is sixth dimensional. Rainbow energy is going to be eighth or ninth dimensional, something I feel I will have access to in my own life but does that mean I am a rainbow child? This is the thing I want to discuss and this is where I feel it gets confusing for people…
The dimensional level you are spiritually available to opening up to in your life is really dependent upon your growth and evolution or expansion as a soul. So what this means is that over all your lives as a soul, if you developed fifth dimensional consciousness you could be readily considered an Indigo Child/Adult. But if you are completely unawakened to fifth dimensional consciousness in your life then you can’t be embodying Indigo energy, you haven’t integrated it yet. It’s outside your body as its own self-aware aspect of consciousness somewhere in the fifth dimension having a ball without you. Which means you can really only be considered an Indigo if you have at least integrated some fifth dimensional frequencies into you. And this is likely why the spiritual community are saying Indigos are being born every minute as the planetary shift into the fifth dimension is being carried out. But the thing is, there are actually not very many people living in full fifth dimensional and Indigo energy at all. True Indigos are incredibly rare. Everyone else is either not developed enough as a soul to realise the fifth dimension and are only just starting to open up to it now, or they have not yet awakened to their true fifth dimensional nature and allowed that Indigo energy into them.

Most Indigos then are only partially embodied into the fifth dimension, that is where their evolution is as a soul, they are still making that full transition. But this leads me onto another subject, what if the evolution of the soul is naturally higher than fifth dimensional Indigo energy? It will give the illusion that the individual is an Indigo as they pass through that stage in order to remember their true frequency. This is what happened to me, I believe. I passed through the Indigo stage and identified as Indigo and then one day woke up and realised “hang on, I’m not an Indigo anymore”… so what happened? What happened is that I made that transition from the fifth dimension to the sixth dimension. Does this mean I was always a Crystal? Yes, and yet again, no because I had to remember myself as an Indigo first as I passed through the fifth dimension and integrated those attributes and qualities into me. So people who are saying every child born these days is a Crystal child, they may very well be naturally sixth dimensional but is that level of consciousness integrated and embodied into them especially as they grow into an adult and take on the faulty programmings of the world? If not then they can’t truly be called a Crystal child until they remember fully and become consciously aware of their sixth dimensional Crystalline light bodies.

So what about Rainbow children? I haven’t read much on these but it seems they are incredibly rare and that makes sense, I doubt there are very many eighth or ninth dimensional people walking around on this planet. But the planet is increasingly able to support this frequency and so more souls and going to open up to it over time if that is their natural frequency. See there are souls that are so high vibrational naturally that they decide to incarnate to both challenge themselves and to help the shift. They incarnate as an Indigo, opening up to that consciousness very easily now that it is more embodied on earth, make the transition to Crystalline energies to support the raising of the planetary light quotient from the side lines, and in the future transition again to the Rainbow energies as a fully incarnate Avatar in human form. These are really exciting times we’re living in. Earth is so rare and yet perfect in that it can support so many differing frequencies at once, from those who are still caught in the third dimension to those who have the potential to open up to the ninth dimension.

And I could well be one of those people, I could be naturally a Rainbow. I had always felt Rainbow energies in me as well as Crystal and Indigo. But does that mean I’m actually a true Rainbow right now? No, right now I’m Crystal, remembering my sixth dimensional nature. I couldn’t even imagine being so high vibrational right now to be Rainbow, my mind just can’t physically comprehend it, even though my intuition tells me “yes, you have that potential”… I had always felt that soul remembrance of seventh to ninth dimensional energies, but I am not interested in rushing anyway. Dimensions are not hierarchal to me where one is ‘better’ than the other, but rather they are just indications of your light quotient. If I can put it this way… I don’t see it as a ladder climbing upwards, but rather an ocean expanding outwards. Each dimension integrated is like another thousand square miles of water or light and love embodied into your spirit- that’s it. Of course the more energy you can hold the more opportunities you have with which to positively utilise it. So you gain more spiritual power but maturity too.

I enjoyed my time identifying as an Indigo, but now I can see where I have always been an unrealised Crystal, and one day I may look back and see where I was always an unrealised Rainbow too. But for now I am enjoying exploring my Crystal nature, which feels more my true self than Indigo ever did. I had a lot of anger and desire to change the world but those things have passed away now as I just be the love that I am and dwell in the joy and bliss of my truer nature and feel the magical beauty of life and co-creative manifestation. Through that I uplift everyone around me without needing to lift a finger, because the light shines naturally on its own. And to me that is the defining characteristic of a Crystal compared to an Indigo. Whereas an Indigo wants to rush out and make reforms, a Crystal just sits by quietly enjoying life, effortlessly radiating out bliss and creating huge waves that ripple throughout the planetary consciousness. Whilst Indigos rush out towards life as warm-hearted power-blazers and activists, Crystals let life morph around them peacefully and lovingly, blending wisdom and will knowingly.

And who knows about Rainbows! I’ll write about it later when I realise it for myself 😉 Namaste. 🙂

Some Hilarious Quirks of Being in a Twin Flame Union and Other Lovely Dovely Musings

I want to change the direction of my blog a bit, though perhaps this was coming for a while now. I changed my blog url recently from ‘the shores of amaranth’ to ‘sacred union’s expression’ because I felt that I wanted to really make mine and my Dan’s union more of a focus and maybe in the process inspire other twin flame couples in their own journey, or just to give them a laugh such as what I intend to do in this post! I have to say I was inspired to take this change in direction by someone I used to nickname my ‘frenemy’, I shall mention no names but their passion for their [likely karmic] twin although I found off-putting myself (I really couldn’t put that emotional investment into someone who wouldn’t want me back), also seemed to bring out my own desire to invest that expression into and for the right person, to share with the world just how much I love my true twin flame, how much he loves me and how much love we share between us as a larger unit.
It is strange for me to be so emotionally open about the love I share for a man. I am not used to it as there was always a shame for me associated with being with men- my step dad was really an ass so I learned to associate male energy with something that should always stay hidden and in the shadows. That negativity is what I had carried around all my life and it took me a while to become more open like this about our union and to be so externally expressive to everyone else how much I love and adore him and appreciate him in my life. So in a sense this change of direction for me is also like a lesson and an exercise in opening up my throat chakra- learning that there is nothing wrong with that expression and that people do actually enjoy reading these things and watching others in love. I have not been one of those people myself but I think I am the type of person to enjoy what others enjoy… If I can give others joy then I experience their joy as my own. So I feel writing more about how much I revere my true twin flame here will bring others joy which in turn will amplify my own too. And ultimately I am just following my heart and going with what I feel- I just want to lavish him with my creative expression because to me he deserves it more than anyone else in the world.
So this brings me back to the beginning title of this blog post(now that I already covered the ending other lovely dovely musings at the beginning instead): Some hilarious quirks of being in a twin flame union. Do you know you can feel everything they can? And visa versa (true twin flames are of course mutually spiritually aware together). I used to think this was nonsense. The very idea didn’t make any sense to me and just seemed like some idealised crap people spewed out “oh I can feel his emotions how romantic”. And yet now I am actually living it and it’s not the weirdest thing at all- in fact it’s just totally natural. I can feel him breathing if I relax, at times our breathing goes in sync or I can just nudge it that way. Just recently I said that I felt like I had a cold and related it to energy and blockages in that area for both of us… he actually said he had a cold he couldn’t shake, well I never! Then there is menstruation… oh yes how glorious, a man on their period (or yours rather) is really the most adorable thing ever… that monthly moodiness of his is something I absolutely cherish. 😀

Oh the energy!
There are other things too:
Me: My left arm feels so strange and heavy right now
Him: I’m leaning on it, I can’t believe you can feel that!

Me: I just ate an orange and my entire mouth is tingling intensely
Him: It’s disconcerting our bond means I can actually feel this

Male menstruation 😉
Me: I’m eating scones right now with clotted cream and jam
Him: You are making me want one now!
Me: See if you can taste it through me
*experiences myself as him tasting my scone* 
Him: …..Now I just want one even more! 😀
Angry PMSer :p
There are plenty of hilarious moments we have like these. When he’s out walking I come over all dizzy from the grounding energy and just want to fall to the floor, when he’s laughing I start spontaneously laughing too, when he’s feeling any emotion I feel that as well. Often times the difference between us is not easily noticeable. We just seem to share almost everything on an energetic level. When he is physically injured I feel that too- once he was playing football and I felt an almighty pain hit my left shin, he said he got studded there, or the time he fractured his right thumb and my entire right hand was stiff for a couple of days as a result from the swelling. 

Shared contractions?
The thing is this sharing feels so natural that when I talk about him to family I almost accidentally bring them up “oh Dan’s got a headache and I can feel it”… but then have to bring myself back to ‘reality’ because of how ridiculous that would actually sound. A hilarious thing to me is how everyone talks about ‘two becoming one’ through marriage and yet when it comes down to it no one really knows what that means so if I were to actually say that we became married in spirit through the process of us two becoming one and now can feel everything each other feels- people would definitely look at me as if I were cray cray.

But here on the internet some do get it and so I thought I’d share these hilarious excerpts and snapshots I’ve taken of some of our texts giving insight into this amazing yet at times highly amusing part of our bond (my personal favourite is him saying he’d jab himself with a fork to get back at me for massaging his crown, makes me laugh everytime reading that!)

One day though these unions will be the norm and everyone will know experientially there really is nothing as wonderful as being in a full union with the one you truly love- when coupled with the right spiritual maturity it just becomes the easiest and most joyful thing ever to experience, there is no drama and there is no pain- there’s just the profound experience… it’s real love because it’s full acceptance but also adoration of the beauty of their creation, of their human nature and essence. The beauty of their pains you feel as your own, the beauty of sharing your own with them and it’s truly a blessing to be living in this higher dimensional unity in such a dense place but yet also bringing this template here to earth as a futuristic example for divine love. It is in a sense a merging too of the dimensions… in the higher dimensions you only feel positive emotions and unity, in the lower dimensions there is only negative emotions and no unity. This planet is rare in its duality because it allows just the right balance of both, and when mastered just becomes something you can really have fun with! 😀

Taking my Leave from SpiritualForums.com

I’ve been a long time user of spiritualforums.com and make reference here to it often especially as I have a yourspace blog there that I tend to update more regularly for any members there who are interested. It has tended to be more a diary/journal for me than a blog but lately I think I’m making the shift back to here at least in part. I’ve lost a lot of my desire to spend time on there and have more or less completely stopped using the twin flame subforum, as well as the other subforums, I think I was feeling this for the entire past half year but it wasn’t right to leave then as it seems the only reason I was on it or rather the main purpose was to meet my other half on there. Though I did learn a lot in my time there and really appreciate all the peeps who helped contribute towards my growth (especially the ones who irritated me because it gave me the chance to take a good look at myself and my wounds which needed healing still)… I don’t feel I have anything more to learn or contribute anymore.
They say that when you come into full union with a true twin flame you’ve completed all your lessons and there’s nothing more for you to do. I can understand that actually. At first I rejected that idea as we’re all human and we’re always exploring and learning new things, but in essence now I get what it’s saying… when you come into full sustained union you have completely embodied love and living in that reality… there’s nothing left to learn in the sense of ‘how to love’… but there is always further to expand and of course continue to clear out in the emotional body. I would call that karma, but karma as a traditional concept is not something I believe in, per se. I prefer Mel’s interpretation of it which is how I’ve always seen it… when you act something out it creates an emotional imprint and those negative emotional imprints are what we have to clear out to be fully clear. I’m not at that stage yet and you’d probably be hard pressed to find a human who is, enlightened or not, but we can get close to that stage anyway and to an acceptable level of inner wholeness and self-realisation.

So, I will say I am far from being perfect! But I am at a stage I think where I’m a living, walking, breathing expression of divine love and that is how I have got to the point of full union which really is heaven in a sense, there is no struggling, no fighting, no resistance, and no shadow-self to fall back into. There’s just peace and contentedness, and happiness. And part of leaving spiritualforums for me is pursuing that positive energy and going with that flow. The forums I think are, I don’t want to say “full of negative energy” because it’s not true when looking at the larger picture, but I think I’m at that stage now where I don’t need them anymore. They are not relevant to my growth. I have all the answers inside myself I could possibly need. And I always knew that anyway but I think I just wanted that spiritual companionship too which I would visit for. But it’s unnecessary now because my other half is really the only companionship I need. He understands me fully, we are compatible in every way- there is that mental connection which allows me to continue to build up those realisations in our own reflection. 

So in that sense there’s nothing for me to contribute anymore, I don’t feel the mental connection between me and the forums anymore, I think. It’s not the same.. And I don’t think there is much for people to learn from me anymore…. I feel too far removed from people’s realities there. I have been on a huge journey, I have been through all the stages and whilst you’d think someone who has been through all the stages would have the most to contribute for others going through that similar journey, I think it’s more like- people have to learn themselves and there’s nothing I can say that will help really as they are at their own place and will have to make all the mistakes that we all make on these journeys. What I mean is that people can’t jump steps, and they also often can’t see past what’s right in front of them, so that means me and my advice is effectively invisible until they get to that same place of full acceptance inside themselves and then maybe union with a true twin flame rather than the karmic ones everyone is moping over (been there done that….).

So maybe it’s true what they say, those who are truly in union are living it, in their happiness, rather than unnecessarily debating and arguing points on the forum and trying to convince others about their truth (which doesn’t need defending as just like love, truth can speak for itself). Also though, there’s just that feeling of needing to move on. The energy is taking me in a different direction. There is something new coming for me, something more interesting and fun and productive for both me and everyone else. Something far more effective than going on spiritualforums. I have done a lot of good there I think but there is just the sense of hitting a brick wall when I think of visiting now- I can’t do it. If I continued I would be resisting my true self, it’s not there anymore, it’s taking me elsewhere. Where exactly I can’t say or see, I can just feel something great coming and I have to make space for it. I have to let go of my old life, of the old me, and embrace the new, embrace the higher vibration which is more fully in alignment with who I really am.

I want to say to anyone who is reading this from there- I am extremely grateful for all the time I’ve spent on there with you all but now I think the time is for me to move on. I may visit from time to time, probably continue with my diary/journal entries at least for the time being but I may just end up deactivating completely at some point- I don’t want the distraction anymore. And instead I’ll likely just continue updating here a little more often instead(and writing how much I love my other half since I’ve been feeling inspired to share that for anyone who comes across this!). I have wrapped up yet another stage of my life, and the past year and a half has been very enlightening for me as much as it has been trying, but it’s time to move onto the next happier chapter now! It’s a new day a new dawn a new life for me and I’m feeling good! 

The Spiritual Musings of an Almost Twenty-Two Year Old

♫ It’s my birthday, it’s my birthday, I’ma spend my money… ♫ Will.I.Am’s song is pretty cheesy but can’t help singing as this month I’m turning twenty-two! I don’t think I’ve ever been excited before for a birthday, except maybe the year my step-dad left and I was free to enjoy myself for the first time without him. Except I wasn’t truly free as I was pretty much on the verge of starting my awakening and I had a panic attack that very night from all the pre-purging I was doing (triggered of course by too much alcohol) and a nasty sleep paralysis episode too. Last year was the year after that, and I didn’t have much more fun either as I was dealing with unconscious entity issues, as well as being in Mexico having to confront my dad and his more controlling attitude recently… It was more inner confrontational time than enjoyment time.

Not to mention I revisited a soulmate whom I had nothing in common with vibrationally since my self-realisation but still triggered that energy in me for healing anyway. It was a pretty confusing time. I wanted to experience that soul to soul intimacy and yet was prevented from doing so… I am not sure I have mentioned it on here before but I was craving especially the later half of last year a shared love that I didn’t even realise I was craving. I think I was aware on some level of merging into my other half this year which was to come(in fact about this time last year I told my karmic twin of all people that I could feel someone new coming along, a life partner as I felt it at the time but just completely gave up hope on that by Christmas), but just couldn’t see past the issues clouding me at the time. All I saw was where I was deficient and was focusing on *why am I not attracted to anyone, why can’t I experience intimacy with anyone*… I thought the loneliness was a character flaw which needed dealing with (which it did to be fair), and that I would never love romantically again. Self-realisation had shattered all those illusions for me.

And yet here I am, the month of my twenty second birthday, two full years minus one month after my full spiritual awakening and nineteen months after my self-realisation, fully merged and in union with the soul I was always meant to be with. Because I wasn’t *meant* to be with anyone else, and all my resistance and shame kept us apart much longer than needed be… and yet in the grand scheme of things it was all part of the greater plan and happened exactly as it was meant to. I could FEEL this coming all the way back since last April. My intuitive clairvoyant powers are mindblowing, and I am paying much more attention to them now as my strongest gift. I wrote about it continually to others beginning of last year “I can feel something big coming my way next June/July, I will have quit my university course and found what I’m truly meant to be doing”… well I did quit my university course at the beginning of this year… and what am I meant to be doing? It’s simple, living in love, I have finally realised that now. There is no other mission and purpose except for that. Me and my other half completed our full merge in June, stabilised in July, and August is the beginning of a whole new chapter.

I have to admit, it has not been easy making such huge progress at such a young age. I have gotten a lot of discrimination, and I mean A LOT. But yet I have seen it all as pointing out my inner insecurities where I feel a need to defend myself… and I have used it to work on myself and heal more fully those solar plexus issues of not feeling accepted and validated. And I have come a long way in accepting my age and my fast progress, yet part of the excitement of turning 22 does come from the fact I can sort of say “well I’m a year older now, so you can stop looking at me like I’m an overly intellectual snob because I have one year more experience to prove that wrong” LOLz. So that excitement is partially falsely generated, because what is the age of the body when the age of the soul is really what matters. At the end of the day I am the only one who needs to accept my age…. the hilarious thing being that in real life people often mistake me for being fifteen years old, apparently I look incredibly young. So age has been a bit of a mental complex for me.

But I think the most exciting thing is that I’m truly free in myself now, so I can enjoy it fully, and with the person I truly love, fully(we are meeting again on my birthday so I will update again then, maybe with some pics too!). And it feels like a marker for me. Just like at 20 I started awakening into the fifth dimension, this year at 21 I started awakening into sixth… what will 22 bring? For the first time it will bring just peace and love and joy, with no need to be anything other than who I am, because I fully am living in my potential now, day by day. It will also be a turning point for me financially and career-wise too. As for what I have no idea, but I know it’ll just be something I love and enjoy and is for my highest good. That will be shifting gears about October time. These are the things I feel and know are coming, and I have no illusions blocking out my perception of the future anymore. It is automatically an open book where anything could happen, anything positive and fun and exciting, and yet it is also a path I have already forged for myself right here right now, which I am following and moving along rather happily and contentedly.

I do not know what is to become of my entire life at this stage, when I think of the progress I have made at only twenty two years of age and when I think of all the years I have left ahead of me, suddenly nothing seems impossible. At fifty maybe I could even literally move mountains. 😀 There is just no knowing, But I know whatever is to come, it will be frickin awesome, and I know I will love every single minute of it!