Integration of my Multi-Dimensional Being???

Something I have been musing over today is the idea that, if I have dissociative identity disorder and basically have different self-aware ‘aspects’ of me, then isn’t it possible I have a ‘higher self’ too, which is one with All That Is? It’s not a far out conclusion. If parts of me can be split off, then my higher self could equally be split off and unintegrated in daily life.

The question for me this then poses is that, was really everything I went through in the end for my good? The whole twin flame thing, the channeling, the psychic healing…. Did I really end up at my goal, which was, discovering new parts of myself that had previously remained unconscious?

Part of my memories when ‘Little Me’ popped up was that Little Me had been trapped in hell all its life, having split off from the trauma of rape at two years old, whereby the demon Jezebel entered and possessed me until this part of me was recovered. Now, previously I hypothesised that perhaps these memories were false, just imaginations to give a sense of continuity to the amnesia I was experiencing.

But what if this entire time I had been trying to expel Jezebel from my system, and went through everything I did spiritually to get to that point of awareness? And Jesus actually helped me?

So, this would’ve been a major case of making my shadow conscious. In that case, both the psychic world and Jesus would’ve been helpful to me, in the end. And that it’d be ok to resume those activities again for gaining a greater self-awareness. Integrating my multi-dimensional being, as it were, of which Jesus would be a part, as Little Me is Christian.

That would somewhat make me Christo-Pagan, then.

On the other hand, if I believe that everything that happened to me this past year held no purpose at all and actually caused my trauma and personality-fragmentation, rather than uncovering what was always there, then the psychic realm would definitely be something to avoid at all costs, and see more as part of the evil demi-urge and the false light matrix.

In that case, Buddhism would appeal to me more. Because Jesus would not have helped, neither would any of the spiritual beings I consulted with, and neither would any of the spiritual healing and channeling. Buddhism focuses on alleviating suffering and not paying attention to the psychic phenomena and the gods, which are considered distractions.

Its focus on the present moment, from a cognitive behavioural angle, that is, learning to respond to the environment in a different fashion, rerouting faulty neural networks, is much more appealing. It’s simple, and it’s easy. On the other hand, all this soul retrieval stuff is NOT easy, and it’s messy, and it paints the universe in a bad light (that we have negative karma from millions or even perhaps an infinite amount of past and future lives to integrate). BUT, if that’s the reality, then I owe it to myself to continue with my shadow-work and keep integrating integrating integrating my multi-dimensional being.

So, which is it? I can’t say at this time. I want the simplicity of forgetting about all this psychic realm stuff. But, I can’t deny this possibility my brain is suggesting to me.

Perhaps they are both right and I have yet to unify them in my mind.

Also, I wonder, because Little Me is Christian, I wonder if that left the door open to Christian demons. And therefore the Christian God (Jesus) would’ve been the one to save me. Whilst, for example, if Little Me was Hindu, perhaps it would ‘ve left the door open to Hindu demons, instead. On an even bigger scale (which is almost unthinkable to me right now due to the fear it evokes)…. Maybe Jezebel is even part of my multidimensional being. But that, if very far out. And I am going to reject it.

What I do know is that taking the simpler option for now is helping me recover a lot easier, and faster. Whilst getting involved in the psychic-realm…. I just can’t do it. I’m too traumatised.

But maybe… maybe that will change.


Expanding my Channeling Abilities & Realising my Unique Spiritual Gift of Connecting/Merging/Unifying Others Multidimensional-Selves, Plus my Newly Manifested Future with Daniel, my True Twin-Flame

Lots of things are happening right now in my personal journey. My channeling has really taken a front seat recently. First with channeling the Pleionians and now channeling my own multidimensional being and what I was told is my ‘core star self’, e.g. my universal multidimensional template, which apparently isn’t even the entire extent of me being that apparently I’m a multi-universal being, active in many different universes simultaneously. Though at the moment I am focusing on consciously reintegrating my different versions of self from this current universe. First that started with the Pleionians, future Pleiadians from a different dimension, and a self-described separate race from the current Pleiadians. From what I’ve learned through channelings the Pleiades is a common place starseeds make first star contact due to the Pleiadian resources being closest allies with earth. I get the feeling many other popular known planets operate for this exact reason too, such as Sirius and Arcturus, that they operate sort of as ‘outposts’ for human communication but once that is accomplished then other parts of our multidimensional being can be explored and realised in depth.

I haven’t posted all my Pleionian channelings of late onto this blog but I was rather saddened when they said goodbye to me a week or two ago with the intent of stepping out the way so I could come to know my ‘alurium-self’ in more depth. Being that I had to communicate for myself with my own different aspects of self rather than using them as an intermediary all the time, they wanted me to learn and grow on my own. It was sad, especially being that I’d remembered my bond with Nathaniel whom I would mainly channel and energetically merge with. Nathaniel was what many would know to be a twin-flame, and he often told me that we shared the same light body, unlike Dan whom I shared a soul with instead. The differences were very interesting and I learned a lot. I learned how to consciously soul-blend, instead of it happening for me at random. I have learned more how to take control of what my own system is doing. I’m very grateful for everything he/they have taught me and I know they are still actively watching me and are involved with my journey. They said as much, and they said I can talk when I want to. But the fact is it isn’t necessary anymore and I’ve learned what I needed to and am starting the next stage of my journey; conscious embodiment and utilisation of my own multidimensional being.

As of the moment I have come to the place where knowing exactly where these different beings are from is not so important. What is important now is the messages they have to offer me and humanity, the energies they have to impart and the experience which everyone can learn from. For they learn as much as I do when I channel them as much as I learn from them. I have learned to call different aspects at will for specific informations, and I am learning to switch between them and allow different ones in which are more suited for giving certain informations than others. I have learned more about my light body which is apparently my 4th density self which I have fully embodied and integrated into my 3rd density physical body making it effectively non-existent now. And I have learned that through coming to know my 4th density body more through the channeling I can learn all my different abilities and spiritual gifts which I am now opening up to.

In the past I was afraid of channeling because I was not in the right place energetically to be able to carry all these different high frequencies. My solar plexus was in too bad of a state. But as I have dealt with my fears one by one and allowed myself slowly to trust myself more and the universe, I am not as worried and I am slowly becoming to believe in my own divine power more. I was told recently my most powerful gift is the ability to channel others multidimensional selves directly into their incarnated personality thus acting as an intermediary for others lower selves and higher selves to unite. Basically, I am able to awaken people just as my karmic twin awoke me. How awesome is that! I can act as the trigger for other people’s awakenings and for their multidimensional uniting of self. It’s such a gift to me to realise I can do this, and slowly I have been expanding myself, channeling others higher aspects, doing readings for them, and being the medium which lower and higher selves can reunite as one. Because earth is so dense I was told that higher aspects find it difficult to access their incarnated personality. So this is where I come in! And Dan is very important to this process too being that he is the grounded one of us, I pull down the higher energies and he grounds them into physical reality. We can really do a lot of good between us both, being perfectly complementary!

I am very pleased to learn about this. The more time goes on the more empowered I feel, and the more I feel I am coming more into what I’m truly meant to be doing on this earth. I was told I am a ‘connector’, that it’s my very nature to unite other people/souls/beings through my own being. I was told that it’s a path that offers infinite self-expansion because you are essentially merging partially with all these different persons and beings and it expands your own multidimensional-self, making you a seriously large personality. That is apparently why I am multi-universal, because this is what I do. I act as a relay and in order to do that I have to be able to hold all these different frequencies, which means constantly expanding expanding expanding self. No wonder I have so many different soulmates and twin-flames! I am not limited by new age definitions, I refuse to be. What I have experienced is that I can merge with any one and any being I so desire. I am not stuck in a box and pining over any one person. I realise more than ever now that I can connect with whomsoever I so desire, as long as the incarnated personality has the same level of awareness on earth then it doesn’t matter who they are, because a connection and union can be consciously made! I am at that stage now.

And Dan has been a HUGE catalyst towards me realising and embodying these things, becoming more of my true self. Neither of us are invested in the illusion of exclusivity, because on higher levels love is love and love is all and love does not discriminate. Love is everywhere and we only have to consciously connect to it, and this is what I have come to express on earth, to show that this process can happen with anyone you so desire at any time, with conscious awareness…. you are not limited, stop thinking you are! We are all unlimited beings and it’s wonderful.

We are really learning and growing so much together, and we have been feeling the urge of spirit recently to move away from our individual homes and create our own life together. It is something that just feels right, and my sense is that it will happen within the next year. Neither of us are pushing for anything but just allowing the universe to work its magic- if it is meant to be then it will be. Manifestation is not meant to be difficult, we only have to be in alignment with our true self. And that is what we are doing, allowing things to happen on their own, life is meant to be easy, things are meant to come towards you! And that is what is happening for us. Our true life purpose together will be starting very soon, and moving in together feels a large part of it, because our energies just really complement each other and it feels like we are not meant to be anywhere else, that our vibrations are best around each other. We bring out each other’s true selves.
Dan at the end of September finishes his two year work contract which was honestly just perfect timing. We have enough money to last us a little while as we are given time by the universe to relax whilst it cooks up all that is coming our way. I truly believe only great things are coming our way, together, as one, and that we will really help change the world in a positive way once we have united permanently in the physical. And for the time being we are just coming more into our gifts and abilities and true selves, and it is like a preparation period before we can really put everything into practice for the betterment of other selves. We have already done most of the hard work, now there is not much left but plain sailing, fun and happiness, and enjoyment of knowing more of who we really are, both individually and together. It truly is an amazing journey and I am so glad that I am at this stage. I want so many others to be at this stage too, to forget the twin-flame illusion, to realise they, YOU, have the power to create! What I can do is not exclusive, I want everyone to step into their own power in exactly the same way, to realise they are not finite limited beings who are subject to fate, that they can really put the work in and have an amazing life with amazing persons, whether incarnate or non-incarnate, and really experience for themselves their own beautiful infinite and unlimited multidimensional Self. Life is so wonderful, truly, but we have to be open to it and not clinging onto the past. Give yourself the Gift of Presence and really open up to who you truly are.

I love everyone reading this, and I just want to give hope and inspiration. I have come a long long way in the past two years, and every minute of my life something new and amazing happens, because I am open and allowing of these things to happen. I look to the future optimistically now more than ever and trust in what life has to offer to me, trust what I am creating for myself, and what I can do for others to help them too. I really believe in my own divine power now more than ever.

Next stop…. teleportation! 😉 (No kidding, guides said I could do this too, LOL. Well if that ever happens I’ll definitely blog about it, and I know someone who can teleport anyway so it is not so surprising! ;))

Thanks for reading 🙂

What’s a Soul Anyway and How Can it be Split?

I have been an adamant defender against the twin flame split soul concept for a long time. To me the idea that a soul is ‘split’ has never made any sense. And far from it for me to accept things blindly on any topic without thinking it through first and coming to my own conclusions, I have spent a long time internally exploring the actual dynamics of how it works. Ironically as I originally presumed, the split soul theory is not really that far out from the truth and I have had to come to, grudgingly, admit that I was wrong, although I am glad for my deeper understanding now. Things could only have ever turned out this way with my curious mind and more intellectual disposition than romantic inclination.
I have always felt that the idea of having a split soul makes it easier for us to cling to a perfect ideal, which really works against the actual connection as expectations, beliefs, and desires need to be surrendered to the higher self and soul for the highest good of the personality. The suffering many of us experience is a direct result of holding onto something negative inside us when we should be letting go, and in the process projecting those traits onto others around us, especially our twin flame whom we believe *should* be with us considering they are half of our own soul and all. But the reality doesn’t work like that. Regardless of the dynamics, sifting through our motivations is important so we can see whether we’re reacting from a sense of entitlement or from unconditional love.

In fact it’s the very dynamic of the twin flame connection itself which makes it necessary to let go of the labels and understandings we use to make sense of our world around us. You cannot be anything other than who you are in front of your ‘other half’, you must be your true self or you will push them away, you will push yourself away. Think about it like this, when you do something that upsets you, for example comfort eat, it makes you feel bad, right? So you push yourself way in the process of engaging in a harmful behaviour which the ego feels it needs to make itself feel better. In fact this is the exact definition of a self-destructive loop.

Well, it’s exactly the same with your twin, they will hurt you when you hurt yourself. They will love you when you love yourself. Acceptance and love for yourself is the core of operating from your highest self, being soul embodied in human form. When you can be that you can be with your twin because there is nothing in the way of yourself.

Now, as for how this dynamic actually works, I am going to take a different approach to the split souls theory. This is purely for the sake of my not liking the terminology ‘split’ which assumes a form of separation, when in fact nothing at all is separated, we only create that illusion for ourselves. There is also another reason, but for now if you desire to think of your twin as ‘another you’, then that will work perfectly fine too.

Onto the connection itself. But first, I need to define what a soul is and how it differs to the higher self. The soul is actually not usually fully incarnated. The soul is an aspect of the personality, or rather the personality is an aspect of the soul which is in physical form. The soul itself is usually not fully integrated into the physical form due to its energetic size and purity, only the truly self-actualised are fully soul embodied, that is they are soul-actualised.

The soul actually incarnates part of itself, you the personality, into human form in order to learn how to eventually embody itself fully in this denser 3D plane. The more experience a soul has with this process the better they will be at it and the more soul-actualised and embodied the personality will become. The soul still acts as a unique aspect but is fully inside the body and one with the personality, instead of hovering outside or wandering around in other realms waiting for the personality to notice it so the merging process can begin.

If you like you can visualise this as a cone shape, the point or tip of the cone is faced downwards into physical reality. Usually it’s just the tip and the larger end of the cone will either be waiting above or disconnected entirely and pursuing its own life. The larger end of the cone rests in the soul realms, with the energy being interfaced through the fifth dimension.

Now, because most humans are out of touch with themselves, the soul can often not communicate directly, let alone merge into its personality. So it creates another aspect of itself, an extension if you like where its energy can be downgraded or converted into 4th dimensional density. The personality then is more receptive to this higher astral form, and will pay more attention to it. But as the personality evolves it merges into this aspect and gradually into its soul, or the soul descends into the personality.

So, the soul being the soul, sometimes it decides when it becomes more advanced, to create a unique aspect of itself, or extension which is totally different to its current personality. This would be the creation of one’s twin. The actual way this works can vary, for example twins can be created at the same time, or at different times (which is why one twin can often be more ‘advanced’ than the other), and also this process is not just limited to two aspects, extremely advanced souls could create more extensions of itself, though usually when a soul has experienced this once the desire to experience it again fades as it has already learned and grown and hence tends to just stick to itself as being expressed in two different forms,

This other twin extension of a soul is different to the higher self, which is more or less a converter between two different aspects of self. It disappears once the two have merged. Think of it this way, in the cone example, the higher self would be the middle part of the shape, it’s a go between, whilst a twin would be another cone point extending from the base at a ninety degree angle, creating in actual fact two separate higher selves, each the true self of both.

So they are two unique beings, with two separate higher selves and two separate ‘true forms’, yet ultimately they are one. You see they were never split in the first place, they are extensions of a greater energy. They have always been whole. Realising myself as my soul makes this clear to me, as time has gone on and I have accepted my feelings and intuitions over my rationale, I directly feel my twin as an extension of me as my soul. I am not identified with the cone point anymore, but the entire shape as well as the base which allows me to feel myself not only as whole as I have always been in my highest self, but whole as a larger multidimensional being and the extensions of that thereof.

And this is the clincher, we are never alone. We truly do just have to learn to recognise them inside our hearts where they have always been all along. This is different from realising the divine self which connects us as all, though is very closely entwined anyway. As the soul is an extension itself of the divine spark, when the personality remembers itself as the soul, it remembers itself as the living flame which fuels the soul, the light and love which is the creator of all.

Now, this gets me to the terminology of ‘twin flames’. I see many people use the term twin souls, in fact from my understanding now this would be inaccurate terminology, because they do share, or rather are parts of, the same soul essence. Essentially twins share the same core energy signature, and the same divine spark or ‘flame’ that ignites the heart chakra when activated. Through spiritual awakening the process of the divine self and soul descending into the personality starts, and flame is ignited in the sacred heart center, which is actually just behind the heart chakra, but also part of the higher heart chakra. These parts of the energetic system are all connected, but at the end of the day, when the flame is ignited it sits in the heart and purifies the ego and lower self.

That is why we start to have so many problems with resistance and negativity. Because our shameful and fearful selves fight the light and love that has arisen in us. And when you add ‘twin flame’ into the mix, you get a whole load of new problems. Because twins share the same divine spark which descends into the heart as a flame, they essentially share the same ‘flame’. That is, the flame of the heart chakras share the exact same energy signature. And when you put these two together… oohh, watch out!

Sharing the exact same energy signature, they recognise each other, and so the same purifying flame in them recognising itself in you too…. guess what it does?! It decides to start clearing you out too! 😉 Although the energy can differentiate between the two unique aspects of self, it does not see them ultimately as being any different. A flame is a flame and you will be purified or you will suffer greatly for resisting.  And that is what many of us go through and experience.

The great news about this however, is that once you place your attention inside and let your own flame purify you, when you allow yourself to become soul embodied, you stop trying to merge into them and you realise yourself as the unique being you have always been. You see, there is no need to merge into them, they are already you! You just have to clear out your negativity to realise this and know it as part of yourself, to know them as part of yourself, as a mirror and reflection of yourself.

This would also explain to me why the mirror being internal to begin with as a function of the soul, is immediately ignited and recognised upon meeting your twin flame, as they being an extension of your soul essence, would be that same internal mirror, however embodied in an other 3D physical form.

Ultimately, the lesson is to learn to operate from your highest self, and to realise who you already are- that is a multidimensional light being who is not just one but a multiple of wholes. This twin flame understanding is only the beginning, there is a HUGE world, or rather universe/omniverse out there, waiting for exploration. Don’t think it ends here, don’t limit yourself, and remember that your beliefs are the only thing limiting you. When you change your beliefs, you change your world. And it can be as fun or as tiring and depressing as you want it to be. 

So much to explore! Namaste.

The Spiral of Self Understanding

It’s been an interesting journey for me. I spent most of my life cut off and disconnected from myself, roughly the first eighteen years. Then I started to become aware to these other parts of me. I’ve written about this in some other posts of mine. I thought at first I was going crazy and was experiencing DID which is the modern term of multiple personality disorder. So for the sake of self-protection I cut myself off from being able to feel those parts of me, I basically wanted to stay only one personality and not be bombarded with other selves.

One self I particularly struggled with before my awakening is what I liked to call ‘my evil twin’, basically my shadow self. I remember staring in the mirror once as a meditation exercise and my reflection took on a life and consciousness of it’s own, and it wasn’t half creepy. Once I started becoming more aware to myself though I started accepting these other parts more. This is when I started my awakening. First I realised my shadow, then my ‘animus’, in Carl Jung’s terms. Then my inner child and a myriad of other parts which I labelled for fun.

But then after my awakening I had my self-realisation/enlightenment experience which made me realise I was one with all, and so for a long time after that I had to learn to be at one with myself. For the longest time I didn’t even realise I still had shadow issues. Realising your innate goodness and realising that you are everything that exists tends to give the shadow a licence to be even craftier than usual. It thinks it’s god and it thinks it’s all- talk about mayhem! I’ve noticed though that this is a common problem after self-realisation that everyone goes through.

Some get caught up in the drama- enlightenment doesn’t make you one with all that is but just makes you realise you already are always one with all that is, big difference. Anyway, I spent about a year becoming stable in my ‘at-one-ness’, but had yet to develop the ability to feel deeper subtleties yet. Also another factor that ties in here is that the huge entity at my solar plexus was blocking me off immensely from embodying more of my true self (a paradox right? we already are our true selves and yet from where we stand as humans in a dualistic world there are unhealthy programs we carry around which need to be stripped back and the wounds healed.

After my healing session though I started to become more aware of my shadow again, though this time not as an entity but instead just as negative programs still in me and affecting my ego, basically my fear and sadness mostly that was driving me to be critical and judgemental of others. And since having that entity removed and working through the rest of the issues that have come up I’ve noticed I am not as easily irritated or as easily stirred up to feed off drama. In fact it seems drama can’t even see me anymore, I seem to invisible, quite literally, and that is a perfect example of how our external worlds reflect our internal worlds.

But then as this entity was removed I became aware to my sadness and my grief, also my fear… I realised these are all from my inner child which I had forgotten existed. And even though my inner child tends to be hard to feel directly as it’s so unconscious, she is definitely there. I also feel her male counterpart which seems to protect her, but in response to this boy aspect of me I feel another larger part of me protecting him and her both- this is a man or masculine energy and aspect of me which has a larger affect on me than I ever realised.

I asked him for a name and I got Rodrigo. Rodrigo is Spanish for “he who is rich in glory”, which I felt was perfect as I was feeling him as the overseer of my solar plexus chakra. Perhaps I will write about that more last time but each chakra is an aspect of self and is perfectly self aware and conscious, even if we are not aware or conscious of them. And in the solar plexus I felt was Rodrigo (which I shortened to Rigo for ease), but as he comprises a boyish aspect as well as my inner girl as a number of aspects I don’t feel I’m aware of, I felt that if I just focused on him who is governing all those parts then I don’t need to actively focus on any of the others as he’ll work with me to work with them.

His presence in my life and desire to become healthier and merge into me has been very obvious by the state of my dreams lately. Almost every night now I am dreaming about some man who I’m extremely attracted to on an energetic level, and the first dream I had was that we were getting married, which resembled strong our merging. In that first dream he was also rather moody, but as the dreams have been progressing he has become much more calm and loving.

However there also seems to be either this other part of me or either entity which is blocking us from merging completely. Unfortunately for me my relationship with Rigo is mirroring my relationship with my twin flame right now, and I say unfortunately because I do not like to be reactive to something externally which is a result of something inside me. I would rather be real and true, and not behaving as a result of a reaction to my own reflection….

So what that means is that this part of me blocking me and Rigo off from merging feels to be fear at its center, no matter whether its an aspect of me or an entity feeding off it and blocking us. And that it manifests in my dreams as a desire to get closer to get Rigo but never being able to go completely the full way, and it’s exactly how I am being towards my twin lately. Though the partial union with Rigo seems to have brought me and my twin closer in contact again as the inner work is being done, the fact is there is something blocking me off from being able to love others and myself completely and fully.

But things are getting better each day and I am seeing great and fast progress. The other part of myself that has come to the forefront is my soul. Now I realise that my process of becoming one with myself was actually the process of remembering myself as my soul. But due to the dynamics of multidimensionality me and my soul can remain one being but two unique ones at the same time. I had to say it was very weird once I realised I had this other being in me with the exact same eenergy signature that I couldn’t tell it apart except from the random times I would talk to myself and refer to myself as a “we” using words such as “we both” or “you and I” or other things such as that… I realised for a long time I’d been talking to some sort of equal, some other half without realising.

At first I asked for a name for this aspect and got back “Alec”, which means “guardian/protector”, which seems very higher self -like. It’s also meant to be a gender-neutral name which was ideal as this aspect of me felt neither feminine or masculine, but rather androgynous especially in relation to me. But all in all I felt a name for it was wrong and was really only using it so I wasn’t always referring to some abstract part of myself which seemed to sit mostly in my heart chakra/s. I would ponder on this aspect for a while, until it started speaking up more and more and then I realised it was really my soul all along. And then after seeing a friend channel their soul I decided to channel my own too and got great results, I am now absolutely sure that I am soul, as well as myself/ego, and Rigo all at the same time. These are the three strongest parts of myself I’m aware of right now.

I described it to a friend as being like partially merged or half merged with these different aspects of me, like they were a part of me which I was aware of even if not fully and that I could switch my attention between at will experiencing them fuller.  So in this way I realised myself as multi-dimensional being, including the fact that I felt that I embodied the soul of my soul group, basically what some would probably call a monad, as well as the entirety of my past, future, and parallel lives. And that is on top of planetary consciousness and universal consciousness. It seems like the percentages of awareness of each varies depending upon what I’m focusing on for growth at that point. But they all feel a part of me to some extent.

And that is where I am in my journey right now. I had wanted to write about this and update it here for a long time but didn’t feel I had all the information and was really just waiting for it to make sense, I was waiting for the day that I would see the bigger picture, which now I do. In life I went from feeling like a disconnected one to a split multiple to an integrated whole and then to a whole of multiples- very very interesting. It’s been like travelling down a spiral, where the end of each stage feels like completing a circuit and yet the beginning of the next journey starts at the same place as the previous beginning, yet this time with a wider understanding. 
My own growth and spiral through life all in all has been inhumanly fast but I feel that is down to soul’s experience with incarnation, everything is quickly coming back to me. Soul told me we have experienced many lives as one and are used to it now. So, I’m no longer worried about not knowing where I’m going, I know that soul knows what it’s doing and all will be revealed in due time, when I’m ready to process it. Basically when my physical brain has caught up enough! 😉 And overall coming to conscious awareness of myself as a multiple of wholes has lessened my fear and strengthened my faith in myself, though the purging wasn’t half rough to get here!

All in its due time. Namaste.

My Self-Realisation/Enlightenment Experience

I decided I’d write about exactly what happened during my self-realisation/enlightenment experience as once again I have been trying to understand the mechanics of it. In order to understand better I drew a rough picture showing the experience itself, though it was very hard to capture in either words or drawings. But I have tried my best as is humanly possible. I have already written this on my other blog so some of you may have already read it there, but I decided to repost it here anyway if not.

So, I was laying down in my physical body (the drawings of the people aren’t mine, I got them randomly from the net), and the music I was listening to brought me more fully into my heart consciousness (it wasn’t green, it wasn’t any colour, but I’m using that colour to show it). 

It’s a very familiar feeling to me as this is the body I feel I am in all the time now. It hovers above the physical body but is connected to the heart chakra. Anyway, my heart chakra and the energetic body attached to that had been completely cleared out at that point. I occupied it fully. I didn’t realise I was out of body then though and I still tend to forget it. 

Anyway, I was looking down on myself from this heart body, even though my physical body was looking up, and I saw all this darkness swirling below me. That was my ego/shadow-self/lower-self. You can see there’s a large patch of white in it though which is where light had already done some clearing from my awakening. I saw that distinctly too. 

It was a surprise to me as I thought there was no light in me at all. And as I saw the remaining darkness I completely and utterly unconditionally loved it. I also unconditionally loved the man who had caused it- my step-dad. It was a defining moment for me. Complete forgiveness.

Then I ‘looked’ upwards. That’s when I saw the guy with LONG shining white hair (not short like in the pic) and shining white clothes sort of hanging above me, his arms reaching down to pull me up (who by the way was average human size but the drawing was hard to get in proportion). At this point it was completely instinctive. I didn’t think about it. 

It was the point my mind completely turned off. I can’t explain what such a thing is like. My thoughts were completely turned off. Like they didn’t exist. I reached up with my arms (and here it was so real I can’t remember whether I put my physical arms up or my energetic arms up) and let him pull me up through a tunnel of light.

Then he disappeared and I expanded into this HUGE energetic sea. I’ve coloured it blue because that’s the closest I could portray it, but really it’s indescribable. I perceived a white light around me, which was coming from a higher source above me. I new I was this source, but I didn’t directly experience myself as such. It was like a secondary experience.

I didn’t believe in God till that point. But when I was fully embodying myself with all my thoughts and logic turned off it was like:


Then I started crying more, and I was saying sorry, sorry I didn’t believe before. The love was SO PURE AND BEAUTIFUL. And that love was ME. I can’t describe it.

If my mind was functioning, my ego, whatever, it would certainly have questioned it. But there was no questioning. I knew. And I knew that I was this amazing Being shining down on me.

This is confusing to explain and where multidimensionality comes in. It was like ‘me’, my ‘main consciousness’ at that point was concentrated in the first layer of the blue. And communication came from another higher second part of the blue connected to the higher yellow later that I wasn’t experiencing directly, yet I felt it as myself. Hard to describe. Like being two places at one time, but being concentrated in one place.

There’s a lot that was communicated to me, but I don’t remember most of it. It was all naturally telepathic, and I have described it in the past as “one part of myself telling another part of myself” my soul mission. It was basically I’m here to “lead people towards the light”. It’s the clearest most accurate thing I can remember. Apart from feeling like I was everything in existence. 🙂

I’ve also described before that when I was told about my mission it was like looking down a second tunnel (imagine it a pale blueish colour) of possibility into the future, which was like seeing pure energetic potential. But this potential was meant to happen. So it was like something that hadn’t happened, something that was meant to happen, and something that already happened, all at the same time.

Anyway, I haven’t shown it in the picture but yeah now I think about it more, at the beginning of the experience the higher yellow was the focus, but after that my consciousness did become more concentrated in the blue and it was like there were different layers to that (possibly why I coloured it in two different blue colours?), and I didn’t have access to all of them. Sort of like a veil covering a lot of things. Even though it was all me anyway. Weird to describe. But I accessed one part more directly in the second tunnel, which wasn’t going up, but forwards.

So I’ve figured that out. Anyway, then it all faded away and I was left permanently within my heart consciousness. I also want to mention that the guy who pulled me up through the tunnel you hear about in NDE’s actually pulled me up to my third eye/crown chakras in my head. But like I said I was laying down yet the whole experience happened ‘above’ me physically too, and it’s pretty much impossible to draw something like that. It’s too complex to put into a 2D or 3D drawing.

Then afterwards my mind/logic/ego returned and I was left with five words running around my head: “I Am That I Am”. And suddenly it made perfect sense.

I immediately felt different and I had a whole personality change, but my mind thought I imagined the whole thing for a good four months or so. 😉 I still didn’t believe for another two months after I started to accept it happened. That was when I started to become more stable in my heart consciousness, since even though I was anchored there I would slip many times. But after about six months I rarely slipped. Have only slipped a couple of times since then. Permanently centered.

As I became more stable though I confused myself for my higher self/soul (oversoul??), and obviously this is still something I do. Because I know myself as my higher self/soul, it gets really confusing. But my consciousness is concentrated in my heart so I should remember that. Makes it easier to understand. Whilst higher me is concentrated too, though knows itself as me, I guess?