The Joker

Pitter patter
Why so serious?
The rain smacks the sense out of me
As I brood in the reflective gaze of my inner eye’s broken glass
I hate myself because I crave what I can’t have

And I hate the world because it’s so fucking fake
Empathic connection
Emotional debilitation
You’re out of arms reach
Senseless imagination
Sickening placation
I know once again I’m deliriously needy

I am catatonic with devils
They sing sweetly to me
As a siren beneath the translucent waters luring me noiselessly to my death
I’m psychotic with lust
Addicted to madness
Come, Tokyo Ghoul, debilitate me

I see you, little birdie with your broken wing
Black embers for hair
Shy demeanour and a tender heart
It bleeds aimlessly with envy
I know what it’s like to have the world in your hands
To shape and mould its sculpture with royal demands
And drudge on and on in the greying histories
I feel you
In my nightly terrors that pass for dreams

Why does the inky absence invigorate me?
Why does my shadow intimidate me so?
Attract me –
Believe me this is the unseen truth
I’m drowning endlessly beneath the empty facade

Borrow my chi, let me lend it back
Only you and I are convinced this display isn’t real
We pretend to be in love with niceties
But deeply hunger to destroy everything

The rage inside glowers gnawingly like drunken cyanide
The stains on my jeans reveal I’m not as lucid as I make out to be
Please, through the empty bottle and fractured glass feel me too
Even if in the darks of my soul
Let me be me.

Sex Metal Barbie Homocidal Queen

Sex sex sex
I want your diamond sex
Tough and glittery as lioness and chase

Bar chords strum in my ears
Pulsate underground
Play me with skill like you play your stratocaster

Deep within my feverish femurs
My blood is thumping
To the beat of your pheromone inducing heat

I am an edging volcano
That belongs to the scorching lava
I am the vermillion hot fury
I absorb the heady sweat of the seething beast

Funk and indie mesh together
As I enchant and bind the sacred and profane
Middle eight could never come sooner
The lawless addict in me bitches back in play

I am my own ruler and mistress
BDSM my slutty ruse
Ephemeral like the eastern wind
Satisfying like your swollen dick.

Tokyo Ghoul

Silence.
Elderberry red stains my chapped hands
Stooping again to lowly sins
Meteorites and repulsive dreams have me waning away as stars losing shards of me

Poison burns through engorged vessels
Arteries slit crudely open by traumatised echoes
And here I dwell deep in my disgust
Deep in my sorrow
And deep in the ghostly violet rain

Fire burns
Blood falls from the sky
I’m paralysed
Drained, I’m waste
I’m sinking
I’m betrayed
Because prestige matters not
When you’re your own worst rancid enemy

The glare of the sun
Far too elevated for our childless childhoods
Where is hope?
I think I dropped it by the way side
Now it prowls with the rats in the sewers
Waiting to give the innocent the evil eye

Yes he said art and beautiful things and nature was a reason to live
Kinda just like me
I know too what it’s like when you’re pacing alone at four AM
The shadows themselves seem terrified
The shadows cower behind the blackened curtains of our homely prisons we created for ourselves

For the evil that lurks within our own psyche’s
Overwhelms stinking ghouls
And keeps us in endless purgatory
I’m sickly scum
And everything I say will never mean a thing
I’m raging violent
I’m suffering itself embodied in human skin

With your delusions I can empathise
For these seeds of feline madness hatch and claw greedily
In our fingertips as we type
In our perception of society
As we drive on by the light doesn’t mean a damn thing

This fatigue crushes every cell in my beaten body
I try and I try and I try and try
To release this weight from my burdened back
Gods and demons both have lied
Their fabled stories spun upon me as spider webs entrapping their prey

In the end I perceive
All the same in the end they mean nothing to me
But stubbornly I still resist
And god I know you’re the same
– Please.
From kilometres away
Sense a bruised and battered thymus is suffering

I must not believe
Because the horizon always rises in the east
And the east will never set for me
I must keep my sanity
I must drink until my head is murdering me

I know you know the feeling
But honourable delusion overpowers me.

Mood: Agitation

Step into this garbage for a sneak peek
A world of unfinished projects and wasted minutes
The clock hands stopped ticking forward in the drowning silence
My wearied ears no longer hear your phony advice

I’m pissed off at the thin invisible gaseous state of matter in front 
Like a monster from the inside squeezes my organs tight
with a leather belt and an insufferable violent voice
leaving weeping red welts on my perfectly formed baby skin

In my hallucination
The devils invade my lungs and growl through my broken airways and raspy larynx
What is this debilitating crippling madness which consumes me?
I don’t need your distant and vacant bright star placations;
I need your firm and soft hands to undress my pliable body from the facade

Because the royal blue of midnight never ended for me
When I became stuck in the endless hypothermic freeze
The heartless beat slowing down till there are only echoes
Echoes speeding facelessly through the haunted hallways

I’m terminal with the disease of crippling hatred
Like HIV this plague never ceases within
I’m being torn apart by rabid rancid teeth
from the inside I bleed out
from the inside I rot slowly

Please, take pity on my shameful nudity
I may be deathly pale and stinkingly unattractive but
I know the magical extraction for the poison that fails my genome

The infection remains
Which can never be extricated
But can be managed from a shot of your well trained warrior semen

Physical injection
End the infection
I think I’m having yet another reaction

Fulfil my expectation
Release the devastation
Believe my attestation
My chest is vacuous;
slit open with the septic wound of bloody amateur extraction

I can’t find release till I fall in reverance to my knees
And bare myself to your pleas
Please

I’m having you tonight
for myself
for me
I know I’m disgustingly selfish
I’m weak

So fuck me up, shatter me into quarters
Only destruction can finish the eradication,
banishment and greed

Exile in comfort
Exiled but tamed
You have my permission
Relieve the beast;
devour my propriety

Fertility 

Always in my brain
Ephemeral images etch themselves onto the central neural chalkboard 
structural integrity so carelessly overlooked
I slowly forget myself in the rouse of creativity

Because my manifesto is drive, harder
In all pursuits
Rebel, rebeller, fornicator 
Inhale spring’s heady air
Near summer’s parching peak

Juniper blooms brightly
And lures me with its sickly sweet fragrance
Drawing me deeper, closer
To Calvin Klein’s occult inspiration

You suit the look of contradiction
Which pairs with power, love, and wisdom
Laziness, regret, and immaturity
Brings with it a delightful hilarity

So I curl myself up
Within the bowels of your sacred grove
Let myself be warmed up
With hyssop tea inside your safeguarding treasure trove
And thousand year old reincarnated soul

I believe in you
My darling ash moon
Because your contradiction is my home
The fish and the virgin both
Realise their counterpart identities
Let it be known

When you press against me from all sides
Surrounding my heart in glowing fireflies and long forgotten fay magic
And I press back as one would whom is being chased
Nothing less than a harshly trained Rottweiler
Against a one foot thick lead fence

The key turns
The retinal print matches
And I meld into the density
Finally sheltered in the solidarity of my rescuer

I realise then
the highly adrenalised game of phantom tag
was just a means to this end
To understand my raisin d’etre
And that I was always safe

To explain the sense of relief
When these cliffs all come tumbling down around
Or describe the ecstatic permanency
That I feel as the darkness within awakens me
Would dilute the mystery

Keep me trapped tightly within the bowels of your fantasies
A place of your own personal destruction within my twisted realm so heavenly
Where angels and devils argue on my shoulders so frequently
Electrifying me with your growth so exponentially

Because the seedling inside me too wants to shoot
And tear me apart with new life;
Join its masters identity

And as the leaves droop, drop, and decay
So too will this end become for us eventually

Till death do I part,
my promise uttered to my own morality.

Gravity

Cracking open my bleary eyes
I drink in the colour starved sublimity
I stretch out my hands and coal stained fingertips
and brush against something I lost so dearly, so recently

It’s a strain to shift back into gear again
inspiration dull and faded from its once vivid complexion
blindness morphing in and out of nearby vision

The night almost took hold
batteries were out of charge
stranded on deserted navy moors
drowning so slowly in the frothy whirling ocean
watching my life from reverse

The elevator of dreams never lets up
plunges deep into the terrestrial core
and even when it reaches the center it dissolves far into fast forward
No serene limbo for my aching limbs, for my degenerate essence

The faceless force and gnarled old women laugh at my ignorance
taunting, willing my brokenness to face its martyr
Yes, I am a fucking warrior
and this they already knew from reading my still unwritten biography
end to end, in the perfectly preserved archives outside of local space-time

Where’s that hope, that promise so bright?
I lost myself in the glaring absence of light
but those spinners, weavers of my fate,
through threats and jinxes and bribes
chased me back into the secret garden

For dreams are just dreams,
and dreams mock our hard places
forcing us to face a rock that doesn’t even exist
I am a daughter of the wounded centaur
remembered only through the stars
experienced only through a lover’s amorous gaze

Metamorphosis 

The light above me glares so harsh
the mattress beneath me lacks a certain warmth
Not of luxury and wasted silken riches
but of the blooming summer petals in the hidden vaults of your seasonal pupils

Cheap drink has made me so numb, so distant from my scattered biological video recordings
I cannot feel the blood in my fingers as I hastily try to exhale your vital essence into them
Cannot feel the flames enveloping the darkness within the sacred endocrine temple where only you have pass to row across the Styx

I am starved of your oh so gentle delight and delicate imaginations
with the more sensation that solders my flesh to your own
the more bondage and slavery I ache to finalise myself to your vibrant lavender soul
freedom swiftly disapparating as my greatest trickster
There’s better freedom in the closed empty circle beside us in these once haunted woods

I’m stripped of all my pretty and petty little defences
which fools none, but clearly blinds all
Where only a zealous greed and birthright claim can penetrate
Beneath my oxidised chains I am nothing more than a needy slave

And so, I fall head first into that reminiscent cologne I know belongs only to the saviour
I trigger, accelerate, spur myself on
and gear myself up for the endless selfish emotion and the never ending free fall of blurry lust
There is no regulation within this temporary damp suit I gallivant around in
how can liquid preserve the tangible moments of an abstract history?
Were I born a hundred years ago I would have lost myself within the abyss of my own in-stable mentality

Instead I throw up your picture on my modern phone screen and embrace it close to my gravity’s center
My intention never really one of control
but full of eternal longing and loss of undeveloped self

There in the murky gloom you respond
the reaper is here no longer for my blood
I thank my atomic ancestors for the swelling storm that rages
for it brightly casts brazen red blindness within the lake of my disused hearth
perfect and glorious in its rulership
tearing down the proud and giving second chance to the humble

Silver leaks magically from my guttered lymphatic pores
As my iron and salt wounds are transformed into a miracle butterfly so pure
a beauty that spreads its exotic wings
and jumps naively into the unknown
to create its own classic melody

That’s what you are to me
Beethoven’s symphony
inscribed by your seven year old sweet genius
as the fluttering whispers of beats pound hard u’neath my ribs
and through my virgin frenzied veins

Reminding me, after all
you’re the vast sky that holds space for the sun
For trillions of nuclear fusions maintaining our on-point miracle zone
and though the night may twinkle with untold tales
My life, your life, is a graceful avant-garde concoction
of oddly chosen sensual variables
Unchanged.