I run my hand across my throbbing chest
a sternum that’s beheld so many wonderous horrors
a bleeding heart that stopped beating when the vampire turned me

I have tasted so many phantasmic realms
one fantastical evil ruined me with but a taste
the original elders of my own underworld

My vision became black as coal
my pupils morphing into the night
and I craved a rare delicacy that was immune to my threats

I possessed hir entirely
and through that twisted identification
I became aware of my own reflection passing me in the hospital window
the sun glaring down on me where before the moon had been my only guiding light
I owe the moon so much, she became a mother to me
where the sun is yet a stranger, however deep it penetrates

I try to catch the rays with my bruised and battered hands
light reflecting off the swollen scars that will always linger
at least until I pass away from here and ascend into buddhahood
the light wrapping itself around my fingers
climbing up my ring finger
entering my vein of love and curing me of depraved sickness
and with enlightenment comes pain
regret, suffering, guilt, longing

Luna will always hold my heart
even where the stars create life once again
galaxies emanating a myriad of forms
all within the sacred wells of my mind

I will keep on chasing for this dream
riding my silver-lit chariot across the skies
flying towards you at my greatest speeds

“When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east
when the mountains blow in the wind like leaves
then you shall return to me my sun and stars”

When everything collapses in a big freeze
our souls will finally become melded
and this life will be a stepping stone to our fabled future
beneath the translusent heavens
chanting the name of unrequited love


Love, Absolutely

When I’m with you
my skin becomes molten in rhapsody
when I look at you
my retinas glaze over in deep devotion

I love you

My beating heart absorbs your cerebral fluid
sipping, savouring, gulping down the pure quintessence of you

My pores leak starry luminescence
from toes to head
as I feast on your sugary sweet blood
and leave swollen purple bruises in its wake

Feed me, satiate me, consume me
from starvation to gluttony
I will never devour enough

**Besides the faux beatings in my sleeping daze
the kicking and the punching and the lingering abusive threats

My happy place is in your homely pheromones
and the silky feel of your innocent back

To where I run so freely
during moments of terror,
and when I lost control
you were there

It was ecstasy
fastened to your bed, deprived of sight
commanding and gentle
you took care of me
as you always do

Yeah, sometimes you trigger my dark side
and I entertain thoughts of knife stabbing, pillow suffocating, and other such shadowy images
but my human nature never betrays me,
and you know that

I am china clay
and you are my crafter
make a kami-sama out of me
as you become my deity

God suffuses himself in his making
and the universe came to be
in a dramatic explosion
and brilliant orgasmic release

We are peasants living like kings
in our sacred grove,
in-between our nest of elderberry trees

You, well –
You are my destiny
When you consume me
And I forget to breathe

As you fill my lungs with bliss.


** (Needed to note here, this is referring to my past experiences with my abusive step-dad, which gives me night terrors and causes me to thrash sometimes in my sleep. In case anyone misunderstands!)

The Dark Lady of Spring

There’s a struggle
a galatic battle between immortals and reptilians
the three fates at the south of the world tree mock me

I believe in those things greater than me
spiralling into my own potential
within the confines of middle earth

I cried so much, at such a vulnerable moment
heat against ice, flesh against memory
my cheeks turning crimson red
my mouth downturned in a frown
pulling on my invisibility cloak I avert my eyes
I crawl into the borough and bury myself among the moss

Just like the hurt/comfort stories I have read so much
I am in a strange creation of my own
my life bordering fantasy and non-fiction
my mind mocking insanity

Tell me, my better good, what are your thoughts?
I will never know
chasing a mirage only ended with disappointment

I flick through emotions like tv channels
desperately trying to find something interesting
but only finding rubbish
junk abandoned on Venus’ harsh volcanic surface

Beauty is transluscent
part surreal, mostly brutal
polarity is no respecter of persons

I am a Time Mistress
that’s my purpose
that’s me

Relative in temporal space
an unfixed distant, unreal object
wandering, searching, helping

Evil lingering within
but heart swells and overthrows an entire nation as a tsunamni
culture eating away at identity
and acceptance to the searing flames of the local sun

Why give up?
pain is a driving cure
transcendence an ultimate goal
reality mirroring the truly subjective
and dreams inspiring winged flight

I am what I will become
I am what I always was
and neither of these adequately express me

Cut a worm in half and it divides into two
cut me in half and watch me put myself together again

The Time Mistress
The Dark Lady of Spring

The Unknown

Blackmill – Evil Beauty

distant, fleeting
melodic crests morphing the ether around me

A world and a half away
Running, fighting my ghosts
drowning in ignorance
drinking in novelty

Bubbles rise to the surface
Deeply forgotten sensations
Something is stirring
but I won’t pay attention.

My desires are right
my regret suffuses the past
and I meet myself in the center
this love I know is me.
I cry

No one exists
It is Goddess and myself alone
Entwined through the visage

You’re just a reflection
the both of you
and all that came before

Sometimes knives penetrate so intensely
knives of illumination
knives of betrayal
Both belong to me

I am a world within a world
And you are a piece I lost
for a new excavation

Reality continues linearly
and I continue searching for the illusory
the me I will never be

Farewell broken bones and darkness
Hello mourning, reinvention, and recreation

Self connection.

Techno Angel

How strange to be a stranger in a familiar world
Even when unfamiliar people try to make you at home
The longings for the inner and outer to match
Bubble up as heartbreak and creative insanity

I’m just a doll
A makeup painted, hair done-up doll
Who looks stunning and vague to everyone
Just a play thing
Going through the motions
I have no feelings
But I am felt anyway
Children are so strange
I am not one of them

Never was, I am only smoke and mist
Only smoke and mist in an unsuspecting reality
But my god loves me all the same
Natural selection and progression the reason I am this way
I must keep pushing through the infected virtual reality
and trek up ahead

Is there love in me?
Is there joy?
Is there rage inside?
Is there sadness and pain?
As a xenos in this world I am oblivious
My emotions are programmed a different way

Why am I here? What’s the meaning of quantum incarnation?
When will the day come when I am what I already became
In another setting of sunshine?

I open mouldy books
Find pleasure in artificial touch
And glutton in illusionary ice cream
Just to remind myself to believe in me

A wanderer, explorer, first man on Mars
The truth is everyone else is the same

Boring and plain, and dull and lame
They aren’t to blame

Mother earth takes prisoners of us all

And isolated.



Another three hundred and sixty five days have passed
another sunshine, another equatorial shift, another life

I have been reborn in a thousand different ways
lived a thousand different lives in one
as a thousand days are one, so is one day a thousand
just like God I am immortal

What’s changed in this cycle?
nature flaunts its successions,
spring, autumn, summer, winter,
entropy creating a novel experience

There is death and bloodshed, there is love and peace
polarities and multiplicities rotating
consciousness evolving
until we have become alike Elohim

I am Ubermensch, time travelling from the future
meeting myself in the middle of reality
reminding me of who I will become
showing myself the wonders of the living
castrating my primal nature and shedding it as a snake skin

The sweat of my skin as I am aroused
hope and passion mingling in sex and cloned children
two becoming one, transcendence morphing with the linear
our bodies becoming fused in artificial intelligent technology
our genes and DNA reinventing the super-human race

There is very possibly a meaning behind my insanity
a method to the madness
a consciousness behind the unconsciousness
an end to the means
a perfect harmony, enlightened united nation
planet, galaxy, universe

When will my prayers be answered?
when will my higher self return from Andromeda,
from the Pleiades where my hallucinations show me dreams
where I am advanced and beautiful and near infinite?
or was I just deceived?

Jesus is here, I am pretty sure
watching, waiting, knowing, guiding
patient with my tiny puny cerebrum
the Israeli messiah waiting for the salvation of the world
the rapture, divine judgement, and eternal bliss
as I recreate my humanity
and explore my existence

Whom is here to prevent the alternative?
Oh the possibilities are endless
but I only concern myself with facts
with the occult,
and with understanding the space between the two

Raise a glass to happiness
raise money for the poor
be selfless within self-interest
take a chance with life;
In eternity, you only live once.


Home is Where the Heart is

Nonsensical silent ramblings
There’s a threat about, but not in your longing, neediness
Not so hidden in the open air
I smell the overwhelming clinginess,
the heady scent dissipating into my nostrils,
through to my aching love sick lungs

I freeze and jump away, unconscious in my slumber
trying to escape to safety
whilst dreaming of flying above snow-frosted mountaintops
and saving your brokenhearted schoolchildren
Your cares are mine, even in the strangest recesses of my mind

“Are you OK?”
I drift slowly back into reality, back into time
Back through the fourth dimensional rift
Where my future, present, and past selves meet,
merge, and find themselves wrapped around your bareback skin

Even love does not quell the night terrors,
the sleep-crying, sleep-talking, sleep-screaming
hallucinations and terror stricken delusions
But the silence roars so loud throughout my body
Such quiet calming my nerves
Such calm expressed in exploring your weary heart

I’m OK, everything with you is all OK.
Even when it’s not, it is,
even when your politics and hypocritical complainants force my patience
I find within myself a deep acceptance
My flaws stare at me through the mirror
and I hug you senseless, closing the gaping wounds in my psyche

It is not perfect, neither fated nor meant to be
but you just fit me in the most comfortable way
let’s stay this way forever
with me laying gentle kisses on your jawline
and you comforting my deeply saddened ganglia plexus with your so soft hands

It’s strange to know you so deeply, so intimately, and yet, it feels just right
So here I will stay, deepening my affection
giving into your needy whines,
playing along with your pretend tantrums
Amusingly rolling my eyes at everything you utter
Spoiling you with oceans of watery feelings
Oceans in the summer near the equator

We are both only human, but our humanity defines us
and we meet with the closing of our lips and hands and chests,
legs and feet, deep in our sleep
interdependently entwined, knowing our place
without fuss

And with you I just am – flawed, tainted, bruised, scarred
But full of hope, love, and dreams

Home is not a place, unless that place is with you
I feel the shifting ever so subtly in my daily life
No longer am I the black sheep of society
But I am a work in progress
Having my hand held by your sensitivity and compassion
I am at ease; I am Chiron’s orbit being stabilised, healed