My Autoimmune Disease, Hallucinatory Worlds, and Exploring Secular Humanism

Omg!!! I just scrolled down all my posts I’ve ever written on this blog and feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster through woo woo land and never been living in reality at all, wtf!!! Honestly I am seeing things so differently these days. I did a ‘whats your irreligion’ test, and I first got objectivist, and then secular humanist. I think they sum me up pretty well.

If there was a God I am pretty sure that he is not actively involved in our life and so his existence doesn’t matter anyway – that would fall under deism which is still secular humanism. I really resonate with secular humanism, it just feels like me (and I’m not saying that from a woo woo point of view but just emotional, lol)

I feel like I’m having to re-evaluate my entire life, entire belief system, entire world view, all my values, morals, and everything. It’s crazy. Everything is up for analysis and scrutiny now. To be honest I feel the value of life much more keenly since embracing atheism. It just seems much more magical to make this life count. There is no afterlife or reincarnation – that’s silly. I want to make NOW count, and so in a way I guess I am feeling a lot in common with modern (non-religious) buddhism.

But at the same time I can still appreciate religion and the good things it does for people. When my mum asked me to pray at the table today, I still did, because it’s our way of life, and I respect that, but also I prayed just in case Jesus really is out there listening. I still do. I say “if you’re real then bring me back… otherwise I will take it you aren’t”… well so far no revelations. I was thinking about how all my ‘visions’ in life have been contradictory and to be honest I think I’ve been ill for a really really long time and it’s been undetected until now.

I’m convinced I have an autoimmune disease (on top of the PTSD which is likely the environment factor that triggered it in the first place)… so that’s why I’m seeing the neurologist on Monday. I have written down all my weird symptoms I’ve had over the last three years for the neurologist to look at and to be honest it’s crazy how much has been wrong with me and I was totally unaware that I’ve actually had a serious disease going on.



Chronic Fatigue
Muscle Weakness
Uncoordinated Movement
Myoclonic twitching
Erratic Breathing
Heavy Chest
Talking in a Strange Accent
Seeing Flashing Lights


Post Traumatic Stress
Transient Psychosis
Hallucinations (Auditory/Visual/Tactile)
Altered Identity
Night Terrors

Like seriously, how the fuck am I not even dead yet?!?!?! And how did I even pass all this off as spiritualised shit? I feel seriously, seriously blind. I obviously have some kind of serious neurological problem on top of the PTSD (likely co-morbid with it), and I honestly can’t wait for my exams.

I trust science, and I wish I had much sooner. I wish I’d gotten psychotherapy much sooner. Maaannn I went way off the rails with all this energy, consciousness, kundalini, multidimensional, channeling, twin flames crap. New age is just bullshit. And not even because I think it’s demonic or whatever(on that note, check the picture I posted at the end of this, doesn’t that sound exactly like what the brain could perceive as ‘demonic attack’???), but I’m sure it’s some kind of sensory fault from our primitive brains.

Basically what can I say? I feel like the blinders have come off, I’m seeing things objectively for the first time, realise my entire world view has been tainted by escapist tendencies due to trauma, and really feel the truth of atheism (not that that really means anything… lol), but at the same time I do have to gradually change my habits and rethink a lot of things, a lot of my approaches to life.

Somehow though I just feel my own self worth much more realising that this is my only life and that the moral responsibility lies with me. Like, there’s no one or nothing divine or some deity judging me, no karma, no sin, nothing, and I don’t feel like I don’t weigh up, but actually feel like a really good, kind, friendly, and normal (if sick) person.

And the thought comes to mind “well maybe I just have to go through the atheist stage to learn a few things” but honestly that sounds like spiritual-babble to me now. That’s something the old me would’ve said. I don’t think life is about learning, I don’t think there’s a point or meaning in life. I think we just exist as a result of evolutionary forces and consciousness is not even separate from the body like I tended to think. It makes much more sense that the body produces consciousness.

I haven’t been on spiritual forums for a while and I had a quick browse but nothing there really seems interesting to me anymore. If anything my psychotic break had the positive effect of making me realise there was something seriously wrong with me, and that I needed to take medical action, and that there are much more scientific reasons to my experiences than random woo woo.

And that’s not to say either that “oh it was meant to be then”… there’s no more fate, no more divine plan, no more underlying goal. It all falls apart, life is based on the consequences of random choices – sometimes they are good consequences, other times bad. But either way,there is no point to anything. And far from it being a depressing thought, it’s actually incredibly freeing to strip back these delusions I’ve carried for so long.

And look, I’m not saying there is no God, because we don’t know for sure. So I guess I am a weak atheist, because there’s just no evidence for one after all I have experienced… my conclusion is my brain is sick, and also very biologically complex and as a result can create entire hallucinatory worlds. I’m actually very glad my doctor did not section me off, but then I didn’t tell her half of what happened to me and she is still mostly in the dark about it. But I will definitely be telling the neurologist. I want to get to the bottom of this, and that’s not gonna happen through self-therapy because that’s what I tried to do before and look where it ended me up. I have to trust the system, trust the doctors, trust science knows what it’s doing.

Weird that I am back at atheism again. But I have been thinking again about meditating just so I have something in common with Graeme, and also because scientifically it does help calm the brain down. I just wonder right now if I should since when I tried last it made my condition flare up (and to be honest looking back that’s all it’s ever done – weird!)… so maybe I’ll wait until I get diagnosed first.

Guided meditations used to calm me down, so I wonder if I could carry that over in a non-religious way. There has to be stuff out there. I’d love to join a Unitarian Universalist church, for a sense of community, and Graeme said he’s love to go with me. You can enjoy the beauty in life without believing in the supernatural. And that’s what I want.



A Revelation of the Cosmic Christ

I have had an incredible time since the last time I posted! It’s like things have all just clicked into place for me, and I suddenly see and understand everything I was struggling to before.

The revelation happened last night as I was at The Glory School – a Neo-Charismatic Christian School training you in interacting with the supernatural. The past few weeks I’ve gone I’ve struggled to pay attention because I was trying to block out my spiritual abilities. But I’ve gradually opened up to them again through having conversations with Jesus and Mary, and by doing remote viewing, and psychic reading, and such.

All that stuff is very easy for , and I figure as long as I connect to the good stuff I shouldn’t bump into anything untoward. And so far, I haven’t. Though I’ve viewed some dark entities, and they spot me, but I just shut them out. It’s as easy as that.

Lately, I’ve also been paying a greater attention to my psychic defence. I plead the blood of Jesus Christ over me because I know first hand just how powerful it is. I do a visualisation imagining it flowing around me and through me. I do this for about five minutes two-three times a day. Paying attention to my aura shows me just how horrible it looks right now – so many negative energies, and I found a ghost in my sacral chakra, but I commanded it out in the name of Jesus.

Really I am just mixing a bit of new age into a fundamental Christian outlook. I finally feel at peace with it, because here comes the amazing revelation I had last night. I was sat in glory school, and all of a sudden I had this vision of Christ filling up the whole universe, and then the bible verses about him sustaining the whole of creation and that all things are made in him, and it suddenly clicked – Jesus is Christ Consciousness!!! Jesus is the unique human incarnation of the Logos, which is the Son of God, the First Born of the Father and the Creator of all things.

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

What was this light? It wasn’t the sun because that was made on day four. Most Christians assume it was Jesus Christ, and they are right, the Light is the first thing to come into existence as an emanation of the Unknowable One. Think Hermeticism again. And then as a result of Light emanating from The One (aka the Father or Nous), duality was created, darkness was formed, and nature appeared from darkness, refer again to Genesis 1:2.

Everything just made perfect sense in that moment! But Jesus was always Christ, not just a self-realised enlightened man. He is literally the first emanation of God. He is what more liberal mystical Christians these days call ‘The Cosmic Christ’, both a person, and a force, an energy that pervades everything, and through looking for unity in the Universe, I was really just trying to find the Logos, which is Christ. And as I realised this, I realised that all along I already knew Jesus! And that I did already love him.

I was leaning towards hard polytheism but after this major revelation I’d say I can’t be anything now other than Panentheistic. This is amazing!! Jesus really spoke to me. And since I believe he’s much more loving than fundamentalists tend to make out, I get the feeling he doesn’t mind me mixing a bit of Esoteric practice in. Today I bought some Frankincense and Myrrh incense to burn, to clear the space energetically and to invoke the Holy Spirit, and it was a really beautiful experience. Me and my mum were together and our angels appeared at the smell and started hugging us. 🙂

Also, I decided to start channeling the ‘Christ Light’ energy through me, for healing, and did a self-attunement to it, with Jesus’ permission, and want to work much more on my chakras and energy now(which the Chios Energy Healing technique, I should mention). And light is only one of five Christian modalities I want to work with. Light is equivalent to Aether, then there is Oil which burns up and is equal to Fire, then there’s Breath which is Air, Living Water which is obviously water, and Salt (holy salt, ‘salt of the earth’), which is Earth. They all coincide with the five elements!!! How cool is that. So I could make my own Elemental summoning ritual. And have the actual elements present during the ritual! I really want to focus on this kind of thing so I’ll get energetically stronger and nothing can mess with me again. At Glory School I decided to take a quick peek at my Pastor’s aura and it was so protected that there was no chance of me breaking through and seeing her. In fact there was nothing negative around her at all. It was incredible! Just perfect and pure.

I think really I’m just in an integration stage. Putting all the pieces together, and developing my own practice, in a way that lets me be creative, but also honours my Christian community. Hopefully one day I can use my healing and psychic abilities to help others, once I finally am strong enough!

Integration of my Multi-Dimensional Being???

Something I have been musing over today is the idea that, if I have dissociative identity disorder and basically have different self-aware ‘aspects’ of me, then isn’t it possible I have a ‘higher self’ too, which is one with All That Is? It’s not a far out conclusion. If parts of me can be split off, then my higher self could equally be split off and unintegrated in daily life.

The question for me this then poses is that, was really everything I went through in the end for my good? The whole twin flame thing, the channeling, the psychic healing…. Did I really end up at my goal, which was, discovering new parts of myself that had previously remained unconscious?

Part of my memories when ‘Little Me’ popped up was that Little Me had been trapped in hell all its life, having split off from the trauma of rape at two years old, whereby the demon Jezebel entered and possessed me until this part of me was recovered. Now, previously I hypothesised that perhaps these memories were false, just imaginations to give a sense of continuity to the amnesia I was experiencing.

But what if this entire time I had been trying to expel Jezebel from my system, and went through everything I did spiritually to get to that point of awareness? And Jesus actually helped me?

So, this would’ve been a major case of making my shadow conscious. In that case, both the psychic world and Jesus would’ve been helpful to me, in the end. And that it’d be ok to resume those activities again for gaining a greater self-awareness. Integrating my multi-dimensional being, as it were, of which Jesus would be a part, as Little Me is Christian.

That would somewhat make me Christo-Pagan, then.

On the other hand, if I believe that everything that happened to me this past year held no purpose at all and actually caused my trauma and personality-fragmentation, rather than uncovering what was always there, then the psychic realm would definitely be something to avoid at all costs, and see more as part of the evil demi-urge and the false light matrix.

In that case, Buddhism would appeal to me more. Because Jesus would not have helped, neither would any of the spiritual beings I consulted with, and neither would any of the spiritual healing and channeling. Buddhism focuses on alleviating suffering and not paying attention to the psychic phenomena and the gods, which are considered distractions.

Its focus on the present moment, from a cognitive behavioural angle, that is, learning to respond to the environment in a different fashion, rerouting faulty neural networks, is much more appealing. It’s simple, and it’s easy. On the other hand, all this soul retrieval stuff is NOT easy, and it’s messy, and it paints the universe in a bad light (that we have negative karma from millions or even perhaps an infinite amount of past and future lives to integrate). BUT, if that’s the reality, then I owe it to myself to continue with my shadow-work and keep integrating integrating integrating my multi-dimensional being.

So, which is it? I can’t say at this time. I want the simplicity of forgetting about all this psychic realm stuff. But, I can’t deny this possibility my brain is suggesting to me.

Perhaps they are both right and I have yet to unify them in my mind.

Also, I wonder, because Little Me is Christian, I wonder if that left the door open to Christian demons. And therefore the Christian God (Jesus) would’ve been the one to save me. Whilst, for example, if Little Me was Hindu, perhaps it would ‘ve left the door open to Hindu demons, instead. On an even bigger scale (which is almost unthinkable to me right now due to the fear it evokes)…. Maybe Jezebel is even part of my multidimensional being. But that, if very far out. And I am going to reject it.

What I do know is that taking the simpler option for now is helping me recover a lot easier, and faster. Whilst getting involved in the psychic-realm…. I just can’t do it. I’m too traumatised.

But maybe… maybe that will change.

Expanding my Channeling Abilities & Realising my Unique Spiritual Gift of Connecting/Merging/Unifying Others Multidimensional-Selves, Plus my Newly Manifested Future with Daniel, my True Twin-Flame

Lots of things are happening right now in my personal journey. My channeling has really taken a front seat recently. First with channeling the Pleionians and now channeling my own multidimensional being and what I was told is my ‘core star self’, e.g. my universal multidimensional template, which apparently isn’t even the entire extent of me being that apparently I’m a multi-universal being, active in many different universes simultaneously. Though at the moment I am focusing on consciously reintegrating my different versions of self from this current universe. First that started with the Pleionians, future Pleiadians from a different dimension, and a self-described separate race from the current Pleiadians. From what I’ve learned through channelings the Pleiades is a common place starseeds make first star contact due to the Pleiadian resources being closest allies with earth. I get the feeling many other popular known planets operate for this exact reason too, such as Sirius and Arcturus, that they operate sort of as ‘outposts’ for human communication but once that is accomplished then other parts of our multidimensional being can be explored and realised in depth.

I haven’t posted all my Pleionian channelings of late onto this blog but I was rather saddened when they said goodbye to me a week or two ago with the intent of stepping out the way so I could come to know my ‘alurium-self’ in more depth. Being that I had to communicate for myself with my own different aspects of self rather than using them as an intermediary all the time, they wanted me to learn and grow on my own. It was sad, especially being that I’d remembered my bond with Nathaniel whom I would mainly channel and energetically merge with. Nathaniel was what many would know to be a twin-flame, and he often told me that we shared the same light body, unlike Dan whom I shared a soul with instead. The differences were very interesting and I learned a lot. I learned how to consciously soul-blend, instead of it happening for me at random. I have learned more how to take control of what my own system is doing. I’m very grateful for everything he/they have taught me and I know they are still actively watching me and are involved with my journey. They said as much, and they said I can talk when I want to. But the fact is it isn’t necessary anymore and I’ve learned what I needed to and am starting the next stage of my journey; conscious embodiment and utilisation of my own multidimensional being.

As of the moment I have come to the place where knowing exactly where these different beings are from is not so important. What is important now is the messages they have to offer me and humanity, the energies they have to impart and the experience which everyone can learn from. For they learn as much as I do when I channel them as much as I learn from them. I have learned to call different aspects at will for specific informations, and I am learning to switch between them and allow different ones in which are more suited for giving certain informations than others. I have learned more about my light body which is apparently my 4th density self which I have fully embodied and integrated into my 3rd density physical body making it effectively non-existent now. And I have learned that through coming to know my 4th density body more through the channeling I can learn all my different abilities and spiritual gifts which I am now opening up to.

In the past I was afraid of channeling because I was not in the right place energetically to be able to carry all these different high frequencies. My solar plexus was in too bad of a state. But as I have dealt with my fears one by one and allowed myself slowly to trust myself more and the universe, I am not as worried and I am slowly becoming to believe in my own divine power more. I was told recently my most powerful gift is the ability to channel others multidimensional selves directly into their incarnated personality thus acting as an intermediary for others lower selves and higher selves to unite. Basically, I am able to awaken people just as my karmic twin awoke me. How awesome is that! I can act as the trigger for other people’s awakenings and for their multidimensional uniting of self. It’s such a gift to me to realise I can do this, and slowly I have been expanding myself, channeling others higher aspects, doing readings for them, and being the medium which lower and higher selves can reunite as one. Because earth is so dense I was told that higher aspects find it difficult to access their incarnated personality. So this is where I come in! And Dan is very important to this process too being that he is the grounded one of us, I pull down the higher energies and he grounds them into physical reality. We can really do a lot of good between us both, being perfectly complementary!

I am very pleased to learn about this. The more time goes on the more empowered I feel, and the more I feel I am coming more into what I’m truly meant to be doing on this earth. I was told I am a ‘connector’, that it’s my very nature to unite other people/souls/beings through my own being. I was told that it’s a path that offers infinite self-expansion because you are essentially merging partially with all these different persons and beings and it expands your own multidimensional-self, making you a seriously large personality. That is apparently why I am multi-universal, because this is what I do. I act as a relay and in order to do that I have to be able to hold all these different frequencies, which means constantly expanding expanding expanding self. No wonder I have so many different soulmates and twin-flames! I am not limited by new age definitions, I refuse to be. What I have experienced is that I can merge with any one and any being I so desire. I am not stuck in a box and pining over any one person. I realise more than ever now that I can connect with whomsoever I so desire, as long as the incarnated personality has the same level of awareness on earth then it doesn’t matter who they are, because a connection and union can be consciously made! I am at that stage now.

And Dan has been a HUGE catalyst towards me realising and embodying these things, becoming more of my true self. Neither of us are invested in the illusion of exclusivity, because on higher levels love is love and love is all and love does not discriminate. Love is everywhere and we only have to consciously connect to it, and this is what I have come to express on earth, to show that this process can happen with anyone you so desire at any time, with conscious awareness…. you are not limited, stop thinking you are! We are all unlimited beings and it’s wonderful.

We are really learning and growing so much together, and we have been feeling the urge of spirit recently to move away from our individual homes and create our own life together. It is something that just feels right, and my sense is that it will happen within the next year. Neither of us are pushing for anything but just allowing the universe to work its magic- if it is meant to be then it will be. Manifestation is not meant to be difficult, we only have to be in alignment with our true self. And that is what we are doing, allowing things to happen on their own, life is meant to be easy, things are meant to come towards you! And that is what is happening for us. Our true life purpose together will be starting very soon, and moving in together feels a large part of it, because our energies just really complement each other and it feels like we are not meant to be anywhere else, that our vibrations are best around each other. We bring out each other’s true selves.
Dan at the end of September finishes his two year work contract which was honestly just perfect timing. We have enough money to last us a little while as we are given time by the universe to relax whilst it cooks up all that is coming our way. I truly believe only great things are coming our way, together, as one, and that we will really help change the world in a positive way once we have united permanently in the physical. And for the time being we are just coming more into our gifts and abilities and true selves, and it is like a preparation period before we can really put everything into practice for the betterment of other selves. We have already done most of the hard work, now there is not much left but plain sailing, fun and happiness, and enjoyment of knowing more of who we really are, both individually and together. It truly is an amazing journey and I am so glad that I am at this stage. I want so many others to be at this stage too, to forget the twin-flame illusion, to realise they, YOU, have the power to create! What I can do is not exclusive, I want everyone to step into their own power in exactly the same way, to realise they are not finite limited beings who are subject to fate, that they can really put the work in and have an amazing life with amazing persons, whether incarnate or non-incarnate, and really experience for themselves their own beautiful infinite and unlimited multidimensional Self. Life is so wonderful, truly, but we have to be open to it and not clinging onto the past. Give yourself the Gift of Presence and really open up to who you truly are.

I love everyone reading this, and I just want to give hope and inspiration. I have come a long long way in the past two years, and every minute of my life something new and amazing happens, because I am open and allowing of these things to happen. I look to the future optimistically now more than ever and trust in what life has to offer to me, trust what I am creating for myself, and what I can do for others to help them too. I really believe in my own divine power now more than ever.

Next stop…. teleportation! 😉 (No kidding, guides said I could do this too, LOL. Well if that ever happens I’ll definitely blog about it, and I know someone who can teleport anyway so it is not so surprising! ;))

Thanks for reading 🙂

Taking my Leave from

I’ve been a long time user of and make reference here to it often especially as I have a yourspace blog there that I tend to update more regularly for any members there who are interested. It has tended to be more a diary/journal for me than a blog but lately I think I’m making the shift back to here at least in part. I’ve lost a lot of my desire to spend time on there and have more or less completely stopped using the twin flame subforum, as well as the other subforums, I think I was feeling this for the entire past half year but it wasn’t right to leave then as it seems the only reason I was on it or rather the main purpose was to meet my other half on there. Though I did learn a lot in my time there and really appreciate all the peeps who helped contribute towards my growth (especially the ones who irritated me because it gave me the chance to take a good look at myself and my wounds which needed healing still)… I don’t feel I have anything more to learn or contribute anymore.
They say that when you come into full union with a true twin flame you’ve completed all your lessons and there’s nothing more for you to do. I can understand that actually. At first I rejected that idea as we’re all human and we’re always exploring and learning new things, but in essence now I get what it’s saying… when you come into full sustained union you have completely embodied love and living in that reality… there’s nothing left to learn in the sense of ‘how to love’… but there is always further to expand and of course continue to clear out in the emotional body. I would call that karma, but karma as a traditional concept is not something I believe in, per se. I prefer Mel’s interpretation of it which is how I’ve always seen it… when you act something out it creates an emotional imprint and those negative emotional imprints are what we have to clear out to be fully clear. I’m not at that stage yet and you’d probably be hard pressed to find a human who is, enlightened or not, but we can get close to that stage anyway and to an acceptable level of inner wholeness and self-realisation.

So, I will say I am far from being perfect! But I am at a stage I think where I’m a living, walking, breathing expression of divine love and that is how I have got to the point of full union which really is heaven in a sense, there is no struggling, no fighting, no resistance, and no shadow-self to fall back into. There’s just peace and contentedness, and happiness. And part of leaving spiritualforums for me is pursuing that positive energy and going with that flow. The forums I think are, I don’t want to say “full of negative energy” because it’s not true when looking at the larger picture, but I think I’m at that stage now where I don’t need them anymore. They are not relevant to my growth. I have all the answers inside myself I could possibly need. And I always knew that anyway but I think I just wanted that spiritual companionship too which I would visit for. But it’s unnecessary now because my other half is really the only companionship I need. He understands me fully, we are compatible in every way- there is that mental connection which allows me to continue to build up those realisations in our own reflection. 

So in that sense there’s nothing for me to contribute anymore, I don’t feel the mental connection between me and the forums anymore, I think. It’s not the same.. And I don’t think there is much for people to learn from me anymore…. I feel too far removed from people’s realities there. I have been on a huge journey, I have been through all the stages and whilst you’d think someone who has been through all the stages would have the most to contribute for others going through that similar journey, I think it’s more like- people have to learn themselves and there’s nothing I can say that will help really as they are at their own place and will have to make all the mistakes that we all make on these journeys. What I mean is that people can’t jump steps, and they also often can’t see past what’s right in front of them, so that means me and my advice is effectively invisible until they get to that same place of full acceptance inside themselves and then maybe union with a true twin flame rather than the karmic ones everyone is moping over (been there done that….).

So maybe it’s true what they say, those who are truly in union are living it, in their happiness, rather than unnecessarily debating and arguing points on the forum and trying to convince others about their truth (which doesn’t need defending as just like love, truth can speak for itself). Also though, there’s just that feeling of needing to move on. The energy is taking me in a different direction. There is something new coming for me, something more interesting and fun and productive for both me and everyone else. Something far more effective than going on spiritualforums. I have done a lot of good there I think but there is just the sense of hitting a brick wall when I think of visiting now- I can’t do it. If I continued I would be resisting my true self, it’s not there anymore, it’s taking me elsewhere. Where exactly I can’t say or see, I can just feel something great coming and I have to make space for it. I have to let go of my old life, of the old me, and embrace the new, embrace the higher vibration which is more fully in alignment with who I really am.

I want to say to anyone who is reading this from there- I am extremely grateful for all the time I’ve spent on there with you all but now I think the time is for me to move on. I may visit from time to time, probably continue with my diary/journal entries at least for the time being but I may just end up deactivating completely at some point- I don’t want the distraction anymore. And instead I’ll likely just continue updating here a little more often instead(and writing how much I love my other half since I’ve been feeling inspired to share that for anyone who comes across this!). I have wrapped up yet another stage of my life, and the past year and a half has been very enlightening for me as much as it has been trying, but it’s time to move onto the next happier chapter now! It’s a new day a new dawn a new life for me and I’m feeling good! 

Carl Jung’s Archetypes in Relation to the Multidimensional Chakric System

I was thinking back on when I started my spiritual journey and realised how far my perceptions and understandings have come since then. In order to understand myself I initially used Carl Jung’s psychoanalytical system of archetypes which were for me purely mental at the time. I wasn’t too aware of energy and how it is entwined with the body though it was starting to open up to me slowly. Everything back then was inside my mind. There was my shadow and inner child and animus, and then some mystical ‘Self’ that I had no understanding of. But then came my Self-realisation and I had to drop this system of understanding and embrace the sensations flowing through my chakric system and learn about how everything really interconnects together…

I have still not come to a complete understanding yet but I have been feeling inspired to write this for a long time now, mostly because I want there to be something that can explain in depth to my twin how my perception is now compared to a couple of years ago. We both have a foundation of Jungian psychoanalysis though I would say I am the more energetically sensitive one. That foundation though has been invaluable for the both of us, but I am not one to take at face value things I read, I have to experiment and play with them instead and see for myself whether Jung knew what he was talking about! And there are some things in which I have come to realise where he was not totally correct.

So first up is the shadow self. This is actually fairly easy, the shadow self is synonymous with the lower self. The lower self is any negative emotion or energetic ego structure in the body which carries density. This density is commonly known as a blockage and feels exactly as the name suggests, it is something that blocks the flow of energy in the body. To start with there was a smooth flow at birth, but through negative external influence and karmic attachment has clogged up and become hard. So things start to clog up and we become more antagonistic as we don’t remember how to be in harmony with this aspect of ourselves. It’s not a positive relationship.

As we break up and transmute the block back into flowing energy though we free up our system and become more harmonious with everything around us. However, due to the density of our blockages we cannot usually feel them. We lose our sensitivity, and the more blockages we have the less sensitive we become. So issues get pushed outside of our awareness into the ‘unconscious’. We forget how to be fully conscious of ourselves. The unconscious self is something impossible to see and as such just when we think we have cleared all our blockages out, new ones come to the forefront! And this process continues until we are fully conscious and have no shadow self left to clear out.

Now, these blockages and shadow selves can reside in different aspects and layers of the aura. Each chakra is a self-governing or conscious entity and aspect of the self. There are twelve chakras altogether, creating twelve separate energy bodies. These energy bodies all have their own dimensional replicas of the chakras, making there 144 chakras altogether. When all twelve main chakras are activated our light body activates too, and from there we can work on making every unique chakra of every energy body active. From my understanding, the larger the cone of the chakra the more chakras of that energy body are activated and fully awoken.

Now, as each energy body is a separate ray of consciousness of the whole and is also made up of its own aspects, we can infer that some of Jung’s archetypes actually relate to the chakras themselves, or rather are governed by the chakras. The first one of his I will mention is the inner child. The inner child is governed by the sacral chakra as it is the chakra of emotion, instinct, and creativity, and any childhood traumas will be stored here. The sacral chakra however also governs the sexual aspect of self as well as the elemental versions of self. This means it is a multidimensional entity in its own right. The twelve chakras of the sacral auric body all govern these.

Any blockages in this area will creative the negative shadow versions of these aspects of self. So the inner child becomes the victim and a healthy sex drives turns into a vampiric succubus or incubus like entity. The elemental selves such as fairies become the inner tricksters. For reference our elemental selves are what comprise the physical material of our body, that is the building blocks of life are within earth, fire, water, and air. As well as spirit. One elemental being on its own will usually be a nature spirit, governing a plant or something, but when a group of them come together as one entity they create a Deva, which then can incarnate into the base consciousness of the human body to allow it to function intelligently. Without these beings the human body would not survive.

So usually the Deva we have incarnated into us is a type of elemental we have experienced ourselves as before in previous lives. It is what we are comfortable with. My own Deva self is that of air and are fairies. And fairies are known for being devious in a state of lesser health. When I have a blockage in my sacral chakra they become the archetypical trickster figure instead. They like to cause havoc and mayhem. So it’s important all aspects of self are in harmony with each other. As it is I still have some victim complexes to deal with in my inner child as well as some entities attached to the darkness there, but I am gradually working on releasing it. It’s nothing as bad as my solar plexus chakra at least, which is what I will move onto explaining now.

Now with Jung he came up with the archetype of the anima/animus complex. To him this was both a personal and collective force. It represented the soul, quite literally as anima in Latin means soul. When one gets in touch with their anima/animus they feel overwhelming love and a sense of completion. However on the negative side Jung said that when infected or contaminated by the shadow self the anima/animus would be a negative force instead and it would be both a personal and collective negativity that would need to be dealt with. For example with women the animus is often contaminated by the collective patriarchy. He was basically explaining energetic and planetary karma to a more logical degree.

However, I’ve come to the realisation after the last seventeen months that he has gotten his own understandings here mixed up. The ‘soul’ and the inner opposite female/male as he described to be the anima/animus complex are in fact two separate beings. So he had a contamination of his own archetypes going on. The soul in fact is a genderless entity, though it may prefer a particular energetic expression, it is not divided or dualistic in itself, it is not either male or female, it is in fact completely united within itself. The personality/ego-self in fact as an extension of the soul is the one which has polarised form. The soul itself is already whole.

So the personality/ego-self being a particular gendered expression resides in the solar plexus chakra. The solar plexus chakra governs the conscious self and duality, as well as physical interaction in 3D reality. Now as most people’s entire chakric systems are closed they are not aware of their soul let alone their inner opposite. The inner opposite sits also in the solar plexus chakra, and when completely activated and functional is whole too as an expression of the soul. So our sense of ‘gender’ as a polarised form actually comes from our conscious awareness being sat in the solar plexus, and this is where it gets a little complex. In order for the inner opposite in the solar plexus to active the soul needs to start to descend into the human body too.

As it stands, most of humanity only have the first three or four chakras open, and of those energetic bodies most of the individualised aspects of them are shut down or in darkness. So we are not even functioning as half a person, we are functioning as half of a half of a person! When the soul starts to descend into the body the energy activates the rest of these chakras and they start to awake and become whole again in themselves. They start to operate more as a whole unit. So when the solar plexus chakra starts awakening, the level of duality, duality is instead turned into a continuum or scale of differences rather than one thing being against the other. There is no female vs male or good vs evil, there is a preference for a particular mode of being which has been decided to be expressed.

When this particular mode has been decided to be expressed externally then the rest of that aspect supports it as a whole. They work together. So when the soul energy descends into the body and awakens the solar plexus chakra, what we think of as being our inner opposite self is actually just the third chakra becoming more aware of its entire being. As a female I express female energy on this plane. But I have my male energy supporting it from the inside as a whole. They flow and blend together smoothly and support each other and their expression of unity in the physical plane. Or should do anyway! My solar plexus has been an issue with me as I have a lot of negative male energy stored in it. My male archetype there has been contaminated by planetary patriarchal karma and I am still working on releasing and healing it step by step.

So that leaves the soul left to discuss. The soul is a whole entity but is often not integrated into the body. The soul is in fact our true ‘other half’, not our inner opposite. Because the soul extends into the body through the heart chakra it is the representation of our entire higher being, or rather it is the unique individual expression of the divine higher self which resides in the crown chakra. As most of humanity has only the first three or four chakras open, when one connects to their soul they connect to their remaining non-active three or four chakras, making it feel like we are mysteriously completed by some other aspect of us. In fact this is what is happening and we become aware to ourselves as our higher selves. So the divine self/spark resides in the seventh chakra and connects us to our entire spiritual being. When the heart chakra is activated this unique expression can begin to integrate into us and we start to feel ourselves more completed by ourselves. We stop being half a being and become a whole being instead.

This is the beginning of the superconscious self and there are many layers and aspects here to fully understand and discuss but I have not fully assimilated them myself yet so I may save them for a later date. For now it’s suffice to say that the heart chakra governs the individual soul expression. So my individual soul expression will be different to my twin’s individual soul expression, that is we are unique and separate beings. But the entire soul essence as it stems from the eighth chakra will have many different aspects of itself too, my twin and I being same parts of that one being. So when we meet each other and have a spiritual awakening, it is my essence recognising that same multidimensional essence in the both of us and responding to it through the download of this essence into my individual soul expression which lies in the heart chakra.

What then we are looking at here is not the sense of being completed by the other, but rather the entire rest of our higher chakras. I want to be a whole being and to do that I need at least my first eight chakras fully activated to be a full and whole being in a human body, to be fully soul embodied. My soul is not a male or gendered essence, my soul is an androgynous extension which when extended into the dualistic physical reality which is governed by the solar plexus or third chakra is expressed as being externally female with an internal male counterpart, but the internal male counterpart is not the heart chakra or inidividual soul expression itself.

I don’t know if that is written very clear but I will leave it at that for now. The problem I see with Jung’s teachings then is that the soul is not our opposite dualistic expression, the soul is already whole and unified. And when the heart chakra is cleared out fully the entire eighth dimensional soul expression can begin to fully incarnate into human form,with the solar plexus chakra taking on the responsibility of showing itself as a particular gender externally and identifying with that.

This is not a two-dimensional dynamic but three dimensional instead. As I wrote in my twin flame triquetra post, there is not just male and female expression but there is unified expression too, which is what the heart chakra governs. The heart chakra when cleared of shadow is an androgynous loving energy which reminds us who we truly are as spiritual beings, through the channelling of the divine self at the seventh chakra.

As a closing note, the seven main chakras to me seem to be personal whilst the transpersonal ones after that seem to be collective. Through the seventh chakra we realise the divine spark in us which though is source of all that is, is /still/ a unique extension into the individual soul extension. Whilst my shared soul with my twin flame resides at the eighth chakra and is instead a collective or multidimensional expression of divine source, not personal. The divine source of this energy body in fact I assume would be governed by the seventh chakra of that system. So you can see how after the seventh chakra it starts to fan out and you become connected first to universal unity of the personal Self at the seventh chakra, and then unity of collective Selves from the eighth chakras onwards.

Some More on Being an Incarnated Angel and the Karmic Debt of the Lightworkers

I am going to copy and paste my post from the Spiritual Forums here so that I don’t have to repeat everything else again. This is what I wrote concerning this matter:
Today I came across a really interesting article which makes sense of everything I am feeling about being a ‘fallen angel’. It’s a bit new-agey and maybe a little unbelievable and I don’t really know for sure, but it makes A LOT of sense to me. I will post the link of the article at the bottom but it’s quite long and there are a few previous chapters to it explaining it all, so I’ll just give a quick overview here:
Basically, it says that Lightworkers are old souls that completed most of their evolution on different planets/dimensions before the birth of humanity. They were mature souls with ‘angelic consciousness’ that looked after the earth and its new innocent souls in ‘the Garden of Eden’. However, they had yet to experience the darker side of the ego. So in order to experience it they ‘fell’, and started a huge intergalactic war in order to experience power. 
Apparently though, the war ended up in a stalemate and so in a bid to try and win it they manipulated the new human consciousness to become separated from source and feel fear. The effect of this was that human consciousness also fell, and somehow the Lightworkers used this to feed their own power (I can’t remember how now) so they could win the war. I suppose it was a bit like a vampiric strategy.  
Apparently though, corrupting the new human souls didn’t help the war and eventually the fight for power became boring, because it was leading nowhere. The Lightworkers then, searching for something deeper, started to open up to heart consciousness. This caused the Lightworkers to feel remorse and regret over what they had done to the new human souls. 

And so, the Lightworkers decided to incarnate in the later stages of Earth’s evolution to experience from humans their own corruption. This way they would eventually release all need for egoic power and karma would be repaid. On top of this, the Lightworker would be here to help guide the young human souls into higher consciousness, in order to not only try to make up for how they corrupted them, but as I wrote above, also to release karma and help advance their own consciousness onto a level which surpassed all duality:
Apparently Earth is unique because the manipulation of the Lightworkers caused their own energy to become embedded within human consciousness. So humans have a mixture of all sorts of energy from all over the universe. This means that a soul living in a human body can experience everything all at once, in the same life. It can experience pain as well as happiness, ect. 
Apparently this isn’t found anywhere else in the universe. And so the only way to surpass duality for older souls is to incarnate on Earth so they can experience this. So Earth is the unviersal bridge between duality and non-duality. And the Lightworker is here to bring Light not only to others but also to themselves in order to reconnect with source.  

So.. that is that. It explains a lot of things for me. For example, the feeling that I am here making up for a time when I was a ruthless bloodthirsty dictator.. it seems like I have just come from that war all those thousands or millions of years ago or whatever. The war for us Lightworkers and the aftermath of that was our dark night of the soul which had the purpose of transforming us from mature souls to old souls. There can be no progress into old soul age without going through this stage. The darkness inside must all be confronted and released. And now many Lightworkers are either here to do just that, or have already done just that and have returned to carry out a particular mission that will help them transcend again into the higher realms.

This is where I feel like I am in this life. This is also why my soulmates are here. As I mentioned in my last post angelic consciousness is essentially group consciousness. This is where all souls come from in the beginning, before splitting off into separate souls. Perhaps the reason I feel my angelic consciousness so strongly though is because I spent most of my soul in that state and haven’t really been fallen for long, unlike human souls, which is also probably in part that due to my more evolved soul age I am able to shed karma much faster. 

But anyway.. my soulmates and myself are basically all shards of the same angelic oversoul and we probably all incarnated on earth at around the same time and again as I mentioned in a previous post I might not actually be able to return to angelic consciousness until all the group has released their own karma. In this case I may choose to incarnate over and over again with them instead of waiting on other astral planets in order to help them shed their karma so we can regroup again. I don’t think I would mind this.  

Also, although the link doesn’t mention it, the way it portrays us Lightworkers makes me think of the Grigori mentioned in the Book of Enoch. They were Watcher Angels who basically watched over and cared for the Earth in its infancy. But then they fell, and came to earth and taught the new human souls all sorts of ‘dark’ magic, speeding up their evolution dramatically. They then mated with the humans and created giant demons known as Nephilim. Eventually though the physical body of the Nephilim was wiped out I think? So now they wander the lower astral realm feeding off of the energies here, whilst the Grigori… I have no idea what happened to them.

I haven’t really researched into all this with too much depth yet but to me the fallen angelic Lightworker sounds basically the same as the Grigori. Same concept, different myth. So I could call myself a Grigori too.. which is a bit weird. I know there’s truth to these things I feel though.. being angelic, not being from earth, having to repay karma, leading people towards the Light to surpass duality and complete my soul evolution in this universe maybe.. perhaps the way I’m interpreting them isn’t correct.. it’s hard to see the entire truth from a human perspective, but I know that I am feeling/seeing the truth, if only just part of it.