Yesterday I had the idea to spiritually go back in time and watch some events as an observer rather than as a participant. I was intrigued and thought maybe it could shed some more light on things for me.
I wanted to write down here for record what exactly I saw, and what I think it all means, if anything at all. I have to say since I did it I’ve felt quite emotionally subdued, so maybe it shifted something inside me.
First I went back to the day my mother tried exorcising Jezebel from me. I was sat in the kitchen alone as I did this exercise and mentally rewound time to that day, and then stepped out of my body. As I did so I walked from the kitchen to the living room, and the darkness in the house was so thick it was like wading through a swamp.
The swampy feeling got worse the closer I got to myself. Then I saw myself in the center of the room being circled by the Jezebel spirit. She looked like a dark shadow, and was tormenting me, going in and out of me, ripping pieces of my soul out and throwing them away. It seemed to cause her pleasure.
I was in a lot of pain, and actually I was re-experiencing some of the emotions from that day. Jezebel noticed future-me watching on a couple of occasions but I cleared my mind and shut her out and she went back to what she was doing. I guess that shows how much stronger I am now.
Anyway, I saw myself in the center of the room, finally saying the Lord’s Prayer, and it’s like all the energetic activity around me froze. Then I fast-forwarded to the day Jesus took me to heaven, and he was saying to me “I will be with you always, though it may not feel like it at times and often you will wonder where I am and feel I’ve abandoned you, but I haven’t, I’m going to be here helping you recover”…
And that was the end of that particular vision.
The second place I decided to time-travel to was when Jezebel first entered me. I was curious to the story behind that, and so stepped out of body first, then honed in on the ‘event’ in the space-time continuum that caused it, and found myself back at my old house, when I was two/three years old. It was just after my abusive step-dad married my mother.
In this vision I saw that he hit me, and gradually through the trauma inflicted on me due to successive beatings, my aura grew weak and fragile, my soul fragmented, and it left an energetic space for Jezebel to enter.
Then in the vision I identified with the soul fragment of mine that had been fragmented. I saw how throughout all my life I’d been searching for this piece of me, unaware of what I was actually doing.
Meanwhile, this fragment has its own story. This fragment went to hell, and the devil told (as this fragment), to start tormenting other people, especially the people who had apparently hurt me in past lives. I staunchly refused, saying I wasn’t like that, I wasn’t evil and I wouldn’t hurt others.
Then he tortured me for disobeying, and whipped me a lot on my back, and did all sorts of other inhuman things that caused my spiritual essence to shrivel and die and look ugly, in the end. And I got to the point where I didn’t care anymore and said I’d do what the devil wanted me to do.
So I started tormenting others, and I realised in this vision I was being hired to lead others astray to the dark side, to entrap them in hell too. That’s all the devil really wants.
Interestingly, as I was tormenting these people, I came across my old spiritual healer, and I tried to torment her too, but she was far too strong for me, and I couldn’t get to her. But it seemed like the devil had a price on her head(not sure why).
Then I eventually started regaining my conscience, but more than anything was just sad. And that’s when I saw a light, and saw myself in body reaching down into hell and rescuing this fragment of me. Then I saw myself ascending into heaven to merge with God, which had the effect of reintegrating my fragments back together.
And that was the end of that vision.
Now whether any of this is really true is hard to say. The visions were quite vivid and seem quite legit, yet after experiencing them I pushed them aside and felt that they couldn’t be trusted. After what I’ve been through, how can I really trust anything?
Anyway, if this is all true, it means God is real, the devil is real, and karma is real. Three things I don’t think I really believe in. But the visions have left a lot of questions in my mind.