I guess with going through events like I have, it strips ones worldview back down to basics and makes you question and revaluate your entire life.
Although I was hopeful last week about Jesus actually coming having rescued me at a point when I most needed it, I’m back at square one in believing that he can’t be trusted after all.
The reason why is because I decided to try and have a conversation with him telepathically, and what I noticed is just like all the spiritual beings I chatted to before him, he only gave the answers I wanted to hear, which to me just indicates deception.
Of course, it could be lower level beings were trying to interfere, or even that my own mind was making it up, but either way it left me with the feeling that I couldn’t trust the messages. If lower level beings were interfering, then it paints a picture of a God that is so beyond us that we can’t really interact with it at all, which is depressing and bleak. And of course, if it was my own mind making it up, then that doesn’t really reinforce Jesus’ existence.
I thought below I’d write about a list of logical deductions, much like I’ve done before, and figure out what it is exactly I believe, at least right now.
1) I experienced a lot of unusual events. I could label them as imagination, but there was too much magic to deny it all. For example, when my psychic healer lit incense in her room when she was doing a distant session on me, I smelled it immediately in my own room. This was also a scent I’d never smelled before. Now, unless the brain is really good at concocting illusions, which is still possible, I can’t in fact deny that a lot of weird supernatural stuff was going on.
2) Of course, if the brain was really concocting illusions and imaginations, then it’d serve to reason that it has a lot more power than we realise, and that we can’t really verify objective existence at all. Making the perception of reality a subjective one, emanating all directly from the mind. As far I know my mind could be the only one that exists, organising everything around me into some kind of apparent creation. Which reinforces the idea of a universal mind, whether or not it is singular (e.g. my own), or multiple.
3) Both of these two points lead to the idea that there is definitely some kind of interconnection between everything, spiritually speaking. With the incense, my healer’s mind set the intent for it to connect to me, and it did.
4) However the more I played with this interconnectedness, the more warped my reality became. Things like healing, channeling, divining, ect, they twisted the creation around me into something dark and sinister. Which makes my point: This universal mind cannot be trusted.
5) All beings seem bound in this universal mind, entrapped, forced to suffer continuously. I’d say that unlike a non-dualistic worldview, this would make the universal mind, or e.g. cosmic consciousness inherently dualistic and made up of both dark and false light.
6) All beings subject to universal consciousness are subject to its rules, and that includes the rules of the dualistic ‘demiurge’. So there are beings that play on the side of good, and beings that play on the side of evil, but ultimately they are all entrapped in suffering.
7) Which brings me to point seven, if none of the beings can be trusted, then neither can Jesus nor any religious or spiritual being pretending to be helpful. We only have ourselves to turn to, to mentally withdraw from the illusion around us and transcend our own ‘Self’, which is likely entrapped in the ‘system’.
8) Therefore, every deity, every spiritual being offering salvation should be ignored, because like the Buddhists say, all beings are entrapped within their own samsara.
9) We could also say that universal consciousness is not true reality. It’s an illusion, a distortion, or even a muddy reflection of the Truth.
10) There is a truth, but we have to strip back everything until we are left at nothing. That would be final liberation. Then we either blink out of existence at death, or, much like the image of a double cone, there would be a whole other existence waiting for us, like a nirvana-like version of heaven.
All in all, I feel, that I’m developing a Gnostic bent right now, although I wouldn’t consider myself a Christian Gnostic which is usually what’s associated with that term. Christian Gnosticism says that Christ came to liberate us. In my opinion any supposed liberator would be another fabrication of the demiurge.
However, with this world view I’m sort of left wondering, how exactly then does one liberate themselves so completely as to escape the demiurge and false light matrix?
I don’t know the answer to that right now. Any guess would make the creator seem distant and far away again, which sort of makes everything I have written down here today invalid, unless of course, there just is no creator. There are only beings trapped within their own Samsara, reincarnating until they finally attain liberation.