Since my last post, I’ve been thinking more on the idea that, perhaps everything really did happen for the greater good, and that Jesus really did help me at the point in my journey I most needed it. Specifically, he helped me out of hell/the lower astral realm, when I got stuck there trying to liberate my lost soul fragments(which, by the way, I found myself, without the help of any spiritual beings – so, I do have my own inner divine power).
Gosh there is so much that happened to me that none of my readers know because I never posted during this entire time! And hopefully I’ll get round to telling the entire story. But a lot has changed with me and right now I’m trying to put the pieces together.
Anyway, perhaps Jesus has been talking to my subconscious mind as I have prayed to him to. Perhaps telling me that he’s actually genuine, and loving.
So many beings pretend to help, but they don’t really. But perhaps, during my entire breakdown, there were a mix of entities that were genuinely trying to help with my healing process, and others that really weren’t, namely, the demons.
And Jesus, Jesus was one of those that was genuinely trying to help.
Now, I don’t believe he’s the only deity out there. I’m a bit of a hard polytheist, I think, in that I see all different gods as separate and individual gods, for example, the Muslim god to me is different to the Christian god, even though the Muslim god could be said to have evolved out of the Christian God.
So, I see Jesus as one of many gods, and one of many viable paths. But, he chose me or parts of me to be yoked to him, to work with him, so in my eyes that makes him my patron deity.
Now, for me this means I don’t exactly need to be a fundamentalist Christian. It gives me leeway to explore and move, and apply what I’ve already learned in spirituality and new age, and create a newer, more unified and consistent world view.
My therapist told me this week that it’s ok to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. I feel I have this pressure on me by my family to accept all of Christianity, but I see now I don’t have to do that, and that I can be a liberal, mystical or esoteric Christian.
The Esoteric version of Christianity especially appeals to me, as it involves practices such as spiritual healing, alchemy, theurgy, astrology, and other such things that evolved from the paths of Hermeticism, Theosophy, and Gnosticism. All three of which as well as make up part of the occult, are also completely compatible with mainstream Christianity.
My therapist said that once you strip all the labels away, what is the difference between the different religious experiences? They are all fundamentally the same experience, with different ways of naming them according to different cultures and philosophies.
In all honestly, I am afraid of getting involved in some of these things again, because of how badly they affected me last time. But if I think of it in terms of, I attracted what was already in my subconscious in order to bring it to light, then in the end what happened was helpful, as it revealed my shadow, retrieved some of my soul fragments, and fundamentally changed me on such a basic level that it could be called evolution.
So, in a way, I don’t have as much to fear anymore, because I’m on the other side of that journey. However, for sure, my days of channeling are over. But there are certain occult practices that are acceptable within the mystical catholic tradition, either in early history or modern history, and they’re the ones I want to be focusing and expanding upon.
For example, astrology. I thought I would start with something light. In early church history it was accepted by the church fathers and saints and blended in with the religion. So today I’ve been taken back to the fact that I have a lot of Plutonion energy in my chart… which means a lot of transformational energy, a lot of chaos for a higher purpose. And well, I can say that’s very true.
I’m only just exploring the basics again, but personally, I feel if it paints a true reflection of my inner psychology, then it’ll be a useful tool in my spiritual growth.
As above so below!
But back to Jesus, I don’t feel he’ll really mind. At least, not for now. I pray and tell him that if he’s really the *only* way to heaven and such I trust he’ll eventually get my attention on the matter. For now I’m just in a state of integration and reorganising what works for me and what doesn’t. Although channeling achieved my unconscious goal of locating my lost soul fragments, in the end I feel it wouldn’t work again for me. Perhaps too many negative associations with the practice.
And one day, maybe I’ll be someone who can help others, Christian and non-Christian alike, in their spiritual journeys with the help of my awesome friend Lord Jesus.
On an ending note, Jesus doesn’t play well with other deities from other pantheons, so I don’t think I can mix and match. But there are plenty of Christian saints which I would consider as ascended beings (rather than deities), that have their own sphere of influence and whom I could work with. One for example, would be Mother Mary, who I’ve actually worked with before. I wouldn’t venerate her above Jesus, because she’s not a deity. But I could work with her in practices such as theury, along with archangels Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel.
Then of course there is the Holy Spirit. Which to me is a certain manifestation of universal energy, much like Kundalini, except as a hard polytheist I consider Kundalini and Holy Spirit different. My days with Kundalini are over, and now I’m ready to embrace Holy Spirit as a manifestation of universal energy (interestingly, both are actually considered female, as Holy Spirit is a feminine noun in the original Hebrew).
And the Father? Well He is the ineffable One, and All That Is. 😉 The whole of the individual manifestations. Whether it is an impersonal or personal Being.
Everything now is starting to make sense for me.