It’s almost been three weeks since my last Kundalini explosion. Things have been quiet for now and I have been taking care of myself best I can and staying away from energy work so that another explosion won’t happen. Honestly though, I’m not particularly hopeful. Apparently these explosions get closer and closer together until one reaches enlightenment.. again. Enlightenment isn’t just a one time thing as many think. It’s a process of becoming so aware that one resides in pure awareness and Light constantly. And so many mistake awakening for enlightenment. They’re not actually the same. Awakening is becoming enlightened yes.. but for a moment in time only. It does change you, but enlightenment is a constant state of being ‘enlightened’. If you can understand the difference between that.
Many people become awakened and that’s it. They continue living their lives, although in much more peace than before. Kundalini however goes the full way. Kundalini keeps going until a person can fall into enlightenment at any time they so desire. Obviously anyone who has experienced a moment of pure awareness knows that it’d probably be difficult to live like this constantly. But the state is there for a truly enlightened person to fall into whenever they so desire. And in order to be able to do this Kundalini has to make numerous round trips in order to clear everything out, which can apparently last for years. Honestly that sounds painfully drawn out and not something I want to experience, but hey. If it happens it happens. At least I know with every second I’m becoming more aware. Closer to the Light and more merged with my Higher Self.
When people say Kundalini is an intelligent life force: They are not kidding. Kundalini is much more intelligent than I am, to say the least. Then again, Kundalini is Light energy and basically goddess herself. Also, as many know, Kundalini is primarily a sexual life force. And this has the tendency to manifest in various ways. As I had written before in a previous post, I had had some spontaneous movements where my body basically did some self pleasuring in ways that I am not accustomed to. That was weird enough, but it has morphed into something even weirder. The only reason I am mentioning this at all is for other people who are going through this and maybe experiencing the same thing. I know that I always appreciate it when people blog their own experiences, all the more so when they are bizarre. And in this case, this is pretty bizarre.
The first time this happened I was pretty much in shock and had no idea what to think. Now I make sure it doesn’t happen so much because of the.. potential consequences. But basically, I have found that this process happens now without me even so much as touching myself. My hands wave around in the air a little doing some sort of energy thing and ten minutes later my bodily functions pretty much lose control. The result is that I feel pleasure a lot longer and ten thousand times stronger than I would have normally but.. pretty much every organ from my abdominal muscles and below is involved. And what does that mean? For one it means that the muscles which control my bladder contract also.. which if you have successfully followed my subtle use of language so far.. means some messy consequences are invoked indeed.
I believe all this though is related to the second chakra. The second chakra maintains those organs, and is responsible for the regulation of the emotional center. No doubt I still have a lot of repressed issues here. But the way it’s chosen to release them truly is bizarre indeed. The fact that I don’t even have to touch myself.. how weird is that. It just makes me wonder though, if the energy in my body is strong enough to control all of this.. how much more can it do? It’s surreal sometimes. This, my emerging ‘powers’, enlightenment, everything. The spontaneous movements included. I don’t know if I wrote in one of my previous posts but Kundalini tends to take over my breathing sometimes. And actually this happened whilst I was watching the season finale of Hannibal, which I will explain more below.
I have noticed though that if I get an energy build up, it tends to build up in my stomach. I can literally feel it sitting underneath my diaphragm pushing upwards trying to get out, and it’s uncomfortable, because when that happens I can often tend to stop breathing altogether. Usually when this happens I have to do some spontaneous exercises to release it, because not breathing obviously does not feel natural. I don’t know how enlightened monks can sit there not breathing for so long. Although apparently it’s normal to stop breathing completely at some point down the line.. as well as to stop needing food or water. Some other weird things that I may bump into on my journey. Although weirdly this sounds slightly like being the living dead and is slightly creepy actually..
But I digress. The other thing I wanted to write about was empathy. In one of my last posts when I described my last Kundalini explosion, I wrote about how the explosion previous to that one had taken away a lot of my anxiety and had opened me up socially. Well, I am just starting to see now how my last explosion is affecting me. As well as taking away more anxiety, it has had the affect of making me so empathic I can barely stand it at times. The first two times I noticed this was in the week following the explosion. The first time was when I was watching the season finale of Hannibal. Will Graham is my favourite character, and so obviously I would naturally empathize with him.. but I wasn’t quite expecting the degree to which this happened.
When Hannibal stabbed Will in the stomach at that exact moment I automatically clutched my stomach and started gasping and sobbing.. something which went on for about ten minutes until I had to stop because I was so light-headed I thought I would pass out. In that moment I became Will Graham. I felt like I was the one who had been stabbed. I cannot empathize how fucking PAINFUL this was. It was truly like I was dying. In that moment the newfound empathy (considering it is nothing but a transfer of emotional energy) had triggered Kundalini which means the whole episode was a personal release for me also. It was quite astounding. I actually wish I’d recorded the whole episode. It was rather funny looking back.
The second time I noticed it was when I was talking to my mother a couple of days later and she told me something about how two parents had forced their child to drink something that made their stomach explode and ended up killing them. Before she told me that I was actually in quite a good mood. I was feeling my Higher Self stronger than ever, sensing the Light beyond, and BAM. It felt like she had dropped a ton of bricks onto my stomach. I felt absolutely suffocated. Just thinking of the cruelty and imagining the pain of that girl.. it was awful. I had to take a walk to clear my head because it was just so strong.
From then on I noticed that I couldn’t be around the slightest negative thing, because my empathy would suck it up and amplify it and make me feel so terrible that I couldn’t do anything. Thankfully this has backed off a little for the time being, but I know it will be back. Sadly though with this backing off my Self has become more distant again. Thankfully though this break has given me time to prepare to deal with these insane amounts of empathy in the future, and for the time being I’m enjoying my ever increasing stability in Self.. enjoying the last of my darker emotions before they may be eradicated for good, lol. I know if that time comes though I’ll be ready.
On the other hand, my empathy hasn’t disappeared completely and I have learned to deal with it much the way I would my own emotions. Accept them and let them pass. They’re more uncomfortable than my own emotions, but ultimately, although it’s good to be aware of the distinction, claiming certain emotions are mine and others are not is an illusion as we are all part of the same Self and so naturally what is someone else’s is also mine. The way through this then I think is not to avoid the darkness, as I have never been much good at that anyway, but instead, as a Lightworker, to accept the emotions as my own and then release them myself. This also has the advantage of clearing them from the other person. This way is better for all involved for the reason that one it will keep my spiritual heart open and two it will help other people. It is just a natural part of being connected to all that is, and it’s something I have to accept if I want to continue progressing. Even Godde feels our pain.
So, this is it for now. Not a particularly ‘hey look this is incredible’ post, but still relevant in either case. Just a note how it’s weird that I feel empathy in my stomach. Although the sacral chakra as the emotional center is responsible for regulating all emotions, it’s actually the open heart chakra which is responsible for the empathy itself. So this means I have both a clear enough spiritual heart and emotional center to be able to feel these things. And the heart is the soul.. so, I feel greatly encouraged by this. My soul is translucent and clear, becoming ever the more so by the day. Soon, all darkness will be gone from me and there will be nothing but pure Light. I will be a portal for the Divine, and most likely when this happens and I am connected to my Higher Self in true enlightenment whenever I want, I will be out in the world carrying out my true mission. I don’t believe this will happen for a number of years though and for now I am happy where I am, learning and growing. Living every moment as it is.
Until next time.