Why?

Why do I do this to myself? The first chance I get at happiness and I throw it away. When it no longer serves me, I throw it away. When I get bored, I throw it away. And yet I always regret it. Why do I never learn? Why can’t I just accept something for once and just let it be, rather than having to change it? 
Why do I feel the need to identify with darkness and pain? Why do I have to make something purposely, albeit unconsciously, traumatic? Why am I a victim to my own push-pull dynamic in relationships? Why does love repulse me and yet I can’t bear the thought of being alone? Why do I crave something I can’t have and throw away something I’ve gained? Why do I always have to ruin things? Why can I never feel satisfied no matter what I do? And most of all, why does nothing ever fucking change no matter how hard I try? I’m cursed..
Unworthy of love. I have to run.
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